Monday, March 01, 2004

Random Buffoonery

Since I am busy (read: lazy), I am just going to give you guys (read: 3 to 5 people) some random things I thought about or that pissed me off this week.

-It’s funny to think that even terrible people might have been ticklish. Hitler and Pol Pot administered genocidal campaigns against their people…but might they have laughed hysterically if you lightly brushed their feet with a feather duster?

The Unfunny comic's take on this: Why send in the Green Berets when Housekeeping is just as effective? Right? Right???

-I haven’t had a good samosa in a very long time. All they have up in Maine are large triangular French fries which they try to pawn off as the real thing. The stuffing inside a samosa should be tinted yellow and be spicy. Instead it is white and bland (ironic when you see who eats at Indian restaurants here).

-Saying Christopher Columbus discovered America is like saying Elvis Presley invented rock ‘n roll. (A whole race of people discovered it before he did, but they were not given credit.) Actually, now that I think about it, its more like saying Justin Timberlake discovered rock ‘n roll. It’s false because he is not even the first white guy to discover it. Several other white guys, or Europeans as they are referred to in the history books, found the land masses that mainstream society falsely credit to Columbus. He is the Milli Vanilli of European Explorers. A gigantic phony.

-People who think they are being deep or counter-culture by tearing down Columbus are lame-os and pseudo-intellectuals who only say such things to people who don't know Columbus was an asshole. To everyone else, they are preaching to the choir.

On a personal note, some girl on this campus apparently likes me, which I am very flattered by…and shocked by…and to some degree, amused by. But her interest is being funneled to me via a friend of a friend who will not tell me who she is. As a result, I am walking around wondering if every girl on campus has crush on me. And you know how you start to like someone when you know they like you? Well, since I am assuming that a bunch of people possibly like me, I am starting to like a bunch of people in return. I have 15 simultaneous crushes right now. This is very bad. In the words of the band That Dog, I’m “totally crushed out.” (Wow, I really said that? Hmm…I don’t deserve anyone but myself.)

Time to cry.

Ok, I’m back.I, by the way, refuse to call this webpage a blog. It’s not a fucking blog!! It’s an online humour journal!

Hmm...wait a second.

Blogs are usually for 14 year old girls who talk about boys they like and problems at school. I did use the phrase "totally crushed out" moments earlier, didn't I? Oh shit.

Time to cry again...while listening to the Cranberries.