Friday, October 29, 2004


Well ladies and gentlemen, in another example of American capitalism attempting to destroy Halloween…and corrupt innocence …here is a very popular costume that was being sold on Yahoo’s online store before many angry people forced the company to remove it:

He's a pimp, and he's ready to oppress some "bitches!" Posted by Hello

And after some more extensive googling…

Yep, that’s right, SHE’S A "HO."

Seriously now, what mother thinks to themselves:

"This is a perfect costume for my 7-year old's beauty pageant. For the talent portion, she can turn tricks."

According to the last time I checked the Yahoo website in August, before the costumes were removed, both had “sold out.” Apparently, a plague of bad parenting decisions allowed these products to sell out two months before Halloween. I guess you better get these costumes before everyone else because God forbid the little girl down the block is dressed like a prostitute too! How embarrassing would that be??? You might be forced to make your daughter wear last year’s “junkie” outfit again.

What kinds of parents buy this crap for their children? Well, I suppose it’s always a good thing to socialize kids into oppressive social roles early on in the process. Less likely they’ll question things later.


My best friends and I continued to go “Trick or Treating” door to door until we were 18 years old. Some people were cool about it, but the Halloween purists were not big fans of our presence at their doorstep. We did not wear costumes, had awkward facial hair, and were, at times, several feet taller than the children in front of us in line. When asked what we were supposed to be, we’d answer:

“We’re dressed as losers, now give us candy.

”What we were doing felt wrong, inappropriate, and forbidden…making the candy taste that much sweeter. To this day, we are convinced that this is what sex feels like.

(Oh shit, I said too much.)

After reading my journal on Tuesday, my brother’s friend Mike had this little anecdote to share about John Kerry:

“I saw him doing stretches before Denis Leary’s Celebrity Hockey thing, and I almost committed suicide watching him. He made hockey boring! The stretches he was doing…ridiculous! Definitely the “best” worst footage I’ve seen proving a point about someone ever. EVER. My God, he was doing stretches with the solemnity of a FUCKING SAMURAI. It was ridiculous. And I still cannot get that shit out of my head. He looked like a fucking character from The Sims. So damn stiff. He is an automation.”

All of what you have said Michael seems about right. But hey man, the way I see it, even if he is a bit stiff below the neck, unlike the other guy, he at least has blood going to his brain. And that’s all that really matters in this election.

Osama Bin Laden released a new video today stating:

"If Bush says we hate freedom, let him tell us why we didn't attack Sweden, for example.”Duh, it’s because Sweden is “the neutral one.”

(For joke reference, read Ron Suskind’s article about George W. Bush, “Without A Doubt” that was published in October 17th’s New York Times Magazine and is conveniently reprinted on this website: )

I’m not sure if Bin Laden and Al Qaeda really hate the notion of “freedom.” I mean, how can you hate such a complex concept that is different in so many social, and historical contexts? It’s like our imaginary war on “terrorism.”

Furthermore, how is blowing things up and killing innocent people going to eliminate either IDEA from existence? Terrorism is just a tool to manipulate people’s emotions to get them to do what you want, which unfortunately sounds a lot like how democracy currently works in this country.

And hell, if Bin Laden really wanted to destroy American democracy and freedom, all I really think he would need to do is wear one of those “VOTE OR DIE” t-shirts in his next video. Honestly, what does an American do in that situation? You don’t want to agree with Bin Laden…but, at the same time, he wants you to vote! It’s a fundamental democratic principle. On a positive note, by doing this, Bin Laden may be able ruin P. Diddy’s career. Uh huh, yeah!

Now, onto something less thoughtful, and that lacks political and social commentary on the issues of the day, here’s a snippet of Tony Danza’s new day-time talk show that I caught while flipping around:

Tony Danza (to unknown B- Celebrity): And Elmo. Elmo was on my show from Sesame Street…you know…the puppet.”


I wonder if he ever asks himself how he got to this point in his career. Is he thanking God or Satan?

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