Tuesday, July 19, 2005

Hari's Journal is back...now chock full of content!

Hello readers,

First of all, I am proud to say that I actually do have readers. Apparently, many of my friends and acquaintances, their friends and acquaintances, and a number of stalkers I have attained through my memberships in such online friendship communities as “friendster,” “myspace” and “facebook” has lead to increased traffic on my little spot on the internet.

SIDENOTE: These online friend collection services are out of control. “Who needs to maintain relationships with phone calls and occasional human contact when all the information we need to know about each other can be found easily enough through consistently updated online survey forms and posted photographs.” How the hell did we get to this point?

For those of you who have shared this link with friends or posted it in away messages or AIM profiles, I apologize for the lack of updates. The last couple of months have been busy, and I have not found the time to write. I won’t go into any of the particulars for fear of this sounding too “bloggy”…and we all know how badly I want to avoid comparisons with 15 year old Asian girls. (I’m so not being racist here. Read any 10 random pages on xanga or blogspot and I’m positive that you’ll see an abundance of “Hello Kitty” backgrounds, and WrITinG LiKe ThIs.)

Anyway, I am now ready to resume providing you all with the kind of content you deserve. Stuff that is just good enough for you to justify taking a 5 minute break from work or school to skim through half-heartedly… and not leave a comment. (LEAVE COMMENTS, YOU BASTARDS!)

Now…on with the update!

Here are some recent musings, memories, and miscalculations:

-Destiny’s Child has taken a really interesting turn with their latest single, “Cater 2 U.” On their previous singles, they have discussed the importance of women taking charge of their lives, and being in control of their relationships. “Cater 2 U” has a strikingly different tone.

I promise you I'll keep myself up,
Remain the same chick,
You fell in love with,
I’ll keep it tight,
I’ll keep my figure right,
I’ll keep my hair fixed
Keep rocking the hottest outfits.

I realize some of you may think I’m making a big deal over nothing.

“Just because a woman wants to keep in shape to make her man happy does not necessarily imply that she is servile.”

Ok, then how about this gem:

When you come home late,
Tap me on my shoulder,
I'll roll over,
Baby I heard you,
I'm here to serve you,
If it's love you need,
To give it is my joy,
All I want to do is cater to you, boy.

Wow, from “Independent Women” to “Bend me over a sink because I don’t want to think” in just 2 years.

-I’ve spent the last 4 months working with 20 South Asian high school girls at an afterschool center. (I promise, much more on this experience another time.)

Being allowed into the world of 16 year old girls has been weird, to say the least. I obviously can’t relate to all of it, but my time there has reminded me of how melodramatic high school could be.

For example, remember how everyone made sure to hug each other at least five times a day? At the beginning of the day, between periods, at lunch, when it was time to go home…

“Oh my God! I haven't seen you in like half an hour!! What’s going on?”

1 year for humans is equal to 7 dog years. 1 year for an adult human is equivalent to the same for teenagers.

Coming back from Winter Break was like coming back from World War II.

- I’ve spent the morning listening to The Police’s “Every Breath You Take” on repeat on winamp in hopes that it will replace the Puff Daddy song that sampled it. I want to hear that opening bass line and not hear "uh huh , yeah, no doubt" anymore. I'm 3 hours into my little experiment and still no luck getting the P.Diddy residue out of my head.

"I keep crying, baby...baby...pleeeaasssee...."

- Here’s me hitting rockbottom:

My brother caught me lip-synching to “Linger” by the Cranberries off their 1993 debut album “Everybody Else Is Doing It, So Why Can't We?

I tried to cover up my embarrassment by saying that I was doing a parody of Caucasian life in 1995. He then called me “a parody of a man.”

I guess all that time with 15-year old girls has made me one.

-I’ve convinced myself that Paris Hilton is the reincarnation of Mahatma Gandhi.

Stay with me on this one.

In Hinduism, it is believed that the life we lead now, will affect the conditions of our next life. You end the cycle of birth and rebirth by reaching nirvana and one only does this by living the best life they can lead until they reach that point.

January 30, 1948, Gandhi reaches heaven and meets God. God sees a frail, worn, old man who lived the best life he’s seen a person live in generations. It seems only reasonable that he would turn to Gandhi and say:

“I think you need a break. Take it easy for a while. Don’t do too much. Stay off your feet. Indulge yourself.”

The result:

And don't forget about Nehru!!

Yeah, I know...not the best update in the world. The photo above isn't even all that well done. The white backgrounds of the clearly photoshopped pictures ruin any effect I was going for. Give me a break, it's been a few months. Sooner or later, the magic will return.

I'm delusional...

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Anonymous Anonymous said...

Nice work, sir. I think the Destiny's Child bit almost writes itself...do they really say, "I'll keep it tight?" If so, sign me up..

Anyway, I dig the update. You don't need to apologize for yourself. It's good stuff.


11:34 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

hari, youre fuckin funny. im floored


1:58 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hari this is the fucking best:

My brother caught me lip-synching to “Linger” by the Cranberries off their 1993 debut album “Everybody Else Is Doing It, So Why Can't We?”

I tried to cover up my embarrassment by saying that I was doing a parody of Caucasian life in 1995. He then called me “a parody of a man.”


2:02 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Woah. Since we both know that a stalker is: "somebody who persistently and obsessively harasses somebody else with inappropriate attention", I take offense to your comment about "stalkers" from myspace, friendster, and facebook. Isn't it so that you'd like to have fans? If so, why do go on to insult people who follow your work, but know you through those sights?

12:51 AM  

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