Monday, October 10, 2005

"These donuts taste familiar."

This morning I bought a box of Krispy Kreme Donuts, repackaged them in a different box, put my name on it, and gave them to my neighbor. I claimed I made them from scratch because what better way to celebrate Columbus Day then to take credit for shit I didn't actually do.

I hate Columbus for many reasons. For starters, he's the reason why I have to say this:

"I'm an Indian...from India."


According to Columbus, they can come from India and unidentified land masses.

How could he think this place was India? Didn't he debrief with Marco Polo before he left?

"Let see here: No silk, no spices, no elephants...probably NOT India."

Ok look, I realize I really don't have as much to complain about as our Native American counterparts. We eventually got our native lands back from colonial oppressors, and are not currently forced to live at Foxwoods. Plus, we don't have the added "insult to injury factor" of having sports teams called The Washington Curryeaters, The Cleveland Hindoos, or the Atlanta Dravidians (whose fans mimic the act of eating yogurt rice with their hands during ballgames).

All I'm saying is that Columbus was a fuck and Sitting Bull really deserves a holiday. That's all.