Monday, January 28, 2008

If they change the name of their band to "Arnold and Willis" that would be pretty fucked up....

I’m really enjoying that new song “I’m not going to teach your girlfriend how to dance” by that band, Black Kids .

“You are the girl that I’ve been dreaming of ever since I was a little girl.”

I imagine a young woman in love with her female best friend who is dating some dude who can’t dance. She is asked by the friend to teach this idiot how to dance…and it’s breaking her heart to do it.

This makes for a much more interesting teen movie than if the characters were all “straight.” (Though the plot does seem to be vaguely similar Some Kind of Wonderful.) I will probably never write this screenplay, but someone should! Also, whoever writes it should give me a cut of the profit since I came up with the idea. Notice the date, kids. No way of pretending you came up with it first. I expect some fat checks for this.

Oh yeah, then there’s the name of the band: Black Kids. Of course this makes me a wee bit uncomfortable. Clearly, that’s the point of it. It’s shocking when people are confronted with race, even in such a superficial way.

I do like the idea of people openly declaring “I love Black Kids.”

I mean, could you imagine people actually saying the opposite out loud?

Me: You hate Black Kids?

Dude: Well, I didn’t mean…

Me: They’re too loud for you, right?

Dude: Well, I mean...I wouldn’t put it quite like…

Me: Is it their look? You don’t like how Black Kids look?

Dude: You know, I wouldn’t…umm…

Me: You’d prefer Black Kids to dance on stage more, right? They don’t dance enough for you?

Dude: Umm..

Me: Bigot, go buy their record now!

Dude: Ok, I’ll buy it on itunes immediately!

Me: Itunes? What are you afraid of being seen with Black Kids? Fuck Mr. Drummond, right?

Ok, I'll stop here. This could go on racism.

I assume most people assume the “Dude” in that funny piece of dialogue was white. He was. He was white.

Hmmm…I wonder if the fear of looking racist could actually lead to increased Black Kids record sales in the United States. How powerful is white guilt?

I suppose there’s also the possibility that people just might stick the word “the” before the band’s name just to distance themselves a little bit from sounding racist.

The Black Kids, doesn’t quite sound as edgy.

Has the word “the” ever had such power? The Definite Article as a racism buffer.

And yes, both the title of this blog and the end of that little dialogue above were references to the 80s television program, Different Strokes. That show was great. Remember that episode when Dudley gets molested by the man that owns the bicycle shop? That episode actually happened! CREEPY. Here’s a scene I found on youtube that weirds me out:

Man, I wish they had the whole episode on there. The kids actually escape and that dude gets arrested. It’s still fucked up, but a little less so.'s strange to think that Michael Jackson somehow turned into some strange cross between Gary Coleman and that white child molester.

I will end on that Michael Jackson joke.

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Wednesday, January 16, 2008

Sprinkler in a Hurricane

I’m struggling to finish a paper and it's funny how it’s always these moments when my creative brain starts working again and I feel compelled to write. A broken automatic sprinkler that finally turns on during a hurricane.

No one says “Thank You” in London. It’s as if people here all feel entitled to have doors held open for them. I’m from New York and I actually think these people are assholes. Really well-dressed assholes.

London is a city filled with people of different races, cultures and nationalities. The most diverse group of assholes in the world.

I suppose there’s a possibility that these people choose not to say “thank you” just to me. However, that thought would be far more devastating than a gross generalization.

I’m sleep deprived and a bit frustrated with how this week has gone. I rush to get into a door at my college hall before it closes and I am forced to swipe my card into a machine, which never works immediately, to let myself in. Someone decided not to hold the door open for me. I guess not for me, specifically…but for everyone. It wasn’t just me, remember. He didn’t keep the door open for anyone and everyone.

As the door closed, I said to myself, “God, why can’t I catch a break today?”

Then, one of the grocery bags I was holding ripped open and all the contents fell to the floor.

Yup, that indeed would be a type of “break.” God is laughing. God has a sense of humour.

I imagine a very pregnant woman somewhere in the world at that very instant rushing to get an elevator. She misses it and also thinks to herself “God, why can’t I catch a break today?”

Her water breaks.

God has a sense of humour… and is funny.

There must be a God. The thought there isn’t a God would be far more devastating

God might be a gross generalization.