The end of my Obama endorsement post reminded me of a flier I fittingly received while walking in San Francisco’s Mission District last summer.
This is almost too funny on its own for it to be worth commenting on…but let’s analyze it anyway:
This “cordial” invitation was given to me by some random dude on the street. I was about to reach into my pockets for change when he handed me this flier.
Also: ADMISSION FREE?
This is not enticing at all. As a comedian and past producer of shows, I know people do not value an event if it’s free. Put a price tag on it. Make people think it’s valuable. When they get there, they will be more likely to value it because they had to pay money to get in.
“Wow, this Christianity stuff is totally worth the $20 I spent. I may invest another $10 in this Bible just so I can show others how big a fan I am of this religion.”
Also, I suggest a pizza party.THE SLOGAN
“Follow The Christ!” It makes it all feel really cult-y. Also, makes Jesus sound like a superhero or better yet, a professional wrestler.
If you smell what the Christ is cooking?CHRIST'S APPEARANCE
I didn’t know Jesus was in Rumble Fish
. It’s Matt Dillon Christ! (Some have said he has a striking resemblance to a young Michael McDonald
Seriously, that’s a white-ass Jesus! As the growing tanning industry seems to indicate, white people love getting tans. Inversely, however, Jesus seems to be getting whiter every year.
Obviously, this is not to say all Christians are white…that’s ridiculous…but his depiction as white is because he’s in someone’s image…and that someone was white. (I imagine Jesus looking like a bearded Jon Secada
How did Jesus get a haircut and beard trim in the desert? This Jesus looks like he’s about to say “What’s up, Bro?”
How can following the Christ help you to:
“Improve Family Life?” Nope, my parents would be pissed if I converted to Christianity.
“Oppose the Devil?” Oh c’mon, this is a give-away one. That’s what Christ does. He opposes the devil! It’s like a vacuum cleaner promising to suck dirt. That’s what it does! I want to know what it does better than other vacuums and that it has longevity and that it is easy to find replacement vacuum bags. (You make that last analogy fit! I’ve done my part to put it out there.)
“Gain Everlasting Life?” I’m a Hindu, baby. I got reincarnation covered.
I’ll end on that cheap and easy cultural joke.
Labels: Matt Dillon