Friday, January 09, 2009

Some Real and Imaginary Conversations

A conversation about voting I had with my mother:

Hari: It’s funny, Mom. Even though there was record turnout in this year’s election, it was still only about 60% of potential voters who actually voted. Why isn’t Election Day a national holiday in this country? Is it a national holiday in India?

Mom: I’m not sure if it is.

Hari: But the turnouts in India are about the same and there’s a larger percentage of the population in dire poverty, right?

Mom: Yes.

Hari: Were the turnouts in India always this good?

Mom: Yes, it was when I grew up there.

Hari: Why?

Mom: There was no entertainment in India. Entertainment was voting and childbirth…you know…simple pleasures.

A conversation I imagined occurring during Obama's victory speech anywhere where hipsters are found:

Hipster 1: Yeah, ok. “Hope.” That's really going to...

Hipster 2: Shut up! You shut the fuck up!! I’ve never believed in anything before.

An IM conversation I had days before the election with a high school classmate I haven’t spoken to in years:

Hari: So great to hear from you. Pretty exciting election, eh? You getting nervous?

Former Classmate: Umm…a bit confused.

Hari: Confused? Why?

Former Classmate: I don’t know who to vote for.

(I did know how to respond immediately at this point because I had not met a McCain voter nor an openly undecided voter in this election. I had been living in London and Seattle this past year. If you could vote, you obviously voted for Obama. It was a choice between drinking mud or water.)

Hari: Oh…wow…but they are such different candidates.

Former Classmate: I know. I agree with most of what Obama has to say, but there’s just something about him I just don’t trust.

(I don’t remember where the conversation went at this point, but it was awkward and eventually someone had to leave.)

Something about him you just don’t trust? Something? You just can’t put your finger on it, huh? I wonder what that something is? Hmm…I wonder...

My former classmate’s probable response after Denzel Washington wins the first Academy Award an African-American has won for Leading Male in almost 4 decades:

“I really liked Training Day, but there’s just something about Denzel Washington I just don’t like. Also, I thought Ethan Hawke was a lot better in it.”

If she lived in Brooklyn in 1955, her thoughts after the Brooklyn Dodgers won their first and only World Series title after decades of futility and heartbreaking losses to the rival Giants and Yankees:

“I’m so happy our Dodgers finally won, but I must say I do miss those losing teams. There was something about them I just loved. I can’t quite put my finger on it. Every one of those Dodger teams had a certain undefinable quality about them that seemed to disappear in 1947 and every year after.”

“Former classmate, didn’t Jackie Robinson join the Dodgers in 1947 and in so doing, break the color barrier in Major League Baseball?”

“Umm…that’s quite possible.”

Her probable remarks shortly after crucifixtion of Jesus Christ by the Romans almost 2000 years ago:

“I really did like a lot of his philosophies and I thought his death was a really unfair break, but there’s something about him I just don’t like.”

And this last sentiment sums up why Jesus went from this:

To this:

Have I mentioned this as something that annoys me?

Here, here, and here.

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Blogger Kamau said...

Awesome. Truly hilarious. We're going to take over the world the same way the United States did it... by making the world bend to our will.

We'll just do it with jokes instead of guns and bombs.

3:47 AM  
Blogger Cristobalito said...



3:37 PM  

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