Sunday, November 08, 2009

My Major Motion Picture Debut in "All About Steve"

I made my motion picture debut this past September in 20th Century Fox's All About Steve:



"Hari, can you verify this? I'm sure there were a ton of people who claimed to be in this film and even though Imdb does list you as "Crossword Businessman" I want to know for sure."

Fine.

Here is a picture of me in the film, taken by my friend Sam, in a theater in Seattle:


Look at me being all Crossword Businessman-y!

Exciting, right? An Indian male playing a bit comedic part in a major motion picture and I'm in the BACK of a cab. Progress! I am the "Reverse Rosa Parks" of the Indian community. Never to the front again!

I went to this film with four male friends. Everyone else in the audience was either heterosexual couples or middle-aged women. There were maybe 20 people in the theater. It was the first screening of the film on opening night.

And the reviews?

"All About Steve, an unfunny, annoying, badly written, badly acted comic fiasco, may be the worst movie in Bullock's career."
ORLANDO SENTINEL


Worse than Miss Congeniality 2: Armed and Fabulous?
Also, isn't comparing Sandra Bullock films like comparing the Holocaust with Slavery? It's disrespectful to the victims of those tragedies to ever make such a comparison!

"A Monstrosity."
SEATTLE POST-INTELLIGENCER


Not a good sign when your film is effectively being compared to a "war crime." (Though perhaps accurate. There is no international law against using this film during interrogations, and even if there was...I'm sure it is being used somewhere to secure confessions.) Also, note how the newspaper has three words in the title and their review only had two.

"It is to comedy what leprosy once was to the island of Molokai: a plague best contemplated from many miles away."
BOSTON GLOBE


Wow, Ty Burr. You must have had that line written somewhere and were waiting for a film horrific enough to justify its use. I refuse to believe this film could possibly lead to something that creative.

I won't give away the plot because I don't want to SPOIL it for you all! Can a piece of shit ...or does it simply turn into manure? Manure that fertilized my fledgling acting career?

Probably not.

6% on Rotten Tomatoes.

6%

6%

I wrote "6" three times because it seemed appropriate for this film.

This film did worse than Leprauchan 5: In The Hood...which somehow came in at 40%.

And I'm in this movie...and am grateful for the opportunity. And also apologetic to all the friends who went out and paid money...in this economy...to see me in it for 5 seconds. You are good people and I love you.

My friends in Minneapolis sat threw the whole thing and noticed that many people actually waited around to watch the end credits of the film. I assume this is either because everyone in the audience knew someone in the film or was so angry that this film existed that they needed to know who to blame...and potentially kill.

Even my parents didn't go out and watch it, even though they patiently waited 2 years for it to come out. They read the reviews. The Ty Burr one sealed the deal. They would wait to rent it...or borrow it from the library....or wait for the TBS Premiere. (TBS would have to change their motto from "Very Funny" to "Very Funny." The italics indicate sarcasm.

The release date kept getting pushed back. The studio knew what they had. And they couldn't wait any longer...and the film was finally defecated on Friday September 4, 2009. The studio did not release it the following Friday, I assume, out of respect for America. Our nation had been through enough on that date.

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