Hari's Online Humour Journal

THE NEW WWW.HARIKONDABOLU.COM

2011-02-08T13:46:00.001-05:00

NEW WEBSITE AND BLOG ON WWW.HARIKONDABOLU.COM!!

Goodbye, Blogspot.

“Will You Help Me Promote My Special?”

2011-02-07T12:36:00.001-05:00

I asked some comedy friends if they would help me promote my upcoming Comedy Central Special on Feb 11th at 11pm. Here is what they had to say:

Jokes.com

Exclusive - Hari Kondabolu - It's Really Funny

comedians.comedycentral.com

Jokes

Joke of the Day

Funny Jokes

Laughter Against the Machine: Feb 8 & 9 in Oakland

2011-02-01T11:35:00.004-05:00

Bay Area Fans Rejoice!

I will be reuniting with my Laughter Against the Machine teammates for 2 shows at Oakland's New Parish on Tuesday Feb 8th and Wednesday Feb 9th at 8pm.

Tickets available here: http://www.thenewparish.com/

Hari Kondabolu as Captain Hook

2010-12-27T15:35:00.004-05:00

My first major role as "Captain Hook" in PS 115's 5th Grade production of Peter Pan back in 1992. (It might have been 1993. I don't remember. That was a crazy decade for me.)

Notice the fake mustache below. If they waited another year, I would've had the real thing. (Yes, I had a mustache at 11.)

Despite my lobbying, the title of the play was not changed to "Captain Hook."

December Shows in the Pacific Northwest

2010-12-13T10:01:00.011-05:00

It's December and for the third year in a row, I'll be doing some great shows in Portland and Seattle! This time with my great friend and writing partner, the incredible Ahamefule J. Oluo.

Picture from a previous KondabOLUO show. No explanation given.

Here's the info:

PORTLAND
DEC 15- Curious Comedy Theatre (5225 NE MLK Blvd)
Doors at 730pm, ALL AGES
$12, ($10 Advance: https://www.hulahub.com/event?id=122505)

SEATTLE
Dec 16-18- Comedy Underground (109 S. Washington Street)
Dec 16th, 8pm, ALL AGES, $12 ($10 Advance)
Dec 17th, 8pm and 1030pm, 21+, $20 ($15 Advance)
Dec 18th, 8pm and 1030pm, 21+, $20 ($15 Advance)
(Doors open 30 minutes before showtime)
Advance: http://www.ticketweb.com/snl/EventListings.action?orgId=17593

Hari Kondabolu Tours the UK

2010-11-20T15:49:00.007-05:00

I'll be touring the UK for 4 shows as part of Desi Central's 2010 Tour in Glasgow, London, Birmingham and Manchester.

Also, a last second surprise gig at "Old Rope" at Phoenix (37 Cavendish Square)on Monday, November 22nd. Doors open at 7:30.

Unfair Skin

2010-11-03T15:32:00.004-04:00

Here's another video I made for www.worldcompass.org. This one is about skin color issues in the South Asian community and some of my experiences as a man with darker skin.

Diaspora

2010-11-02T14:16:00.004-04:00

Here's another video I made for www.worldcompass.org. This one's regarding the pronunciation of the word "Diaspora."

Racism vs. White Guilt

2010-10-20T10:22:00.003-04:00

A video blog I made for www.worldcompass.org.

This was based on a joke I wrote, but never finished, as a senior at Bowdoin College in 2003. It's funny how long thoughts sometimes gestate.

Comedy Central Presents....Hari Kondabolu!

2010-09-17T15:54:00.006-04:00

Friends and Fans,

Comedy Central has chosen me to do a Comedy Central Presents half-hour special!

We tape the special in NYC at The Gerald W. Lynch Theater at John Jay College on Sunday, October 17th. If you are able to attend, you can request tickets here:

http://www.on-camera-audiences.com/shows/show/26/Comedy_Central_Presents_in_New_York_City/

I don't have anything else to say, so here's a picture of 3-year old me dressed as Superman:

Will Your Marriage Be Arranged?

2010-09-16T15:34:00.006-04:00

Here's a video I made about arranged marriage for World Compass as part of their "State of Our Unions" series.

The Kondabolu Brothers Respond to Joel Stein

2010-09-07T23:47:00.005-04:00

As some of you may know, Joel Stein wrote a column in Time Magazine called "My Own Private India" in July that rightfully pissed off a large segment of the South Asian American community. In addition to being terribly unfunny (offending me as a comedian), the column was chock full of Indian stereotypes, xenophobia and an insensitivity to victims of hate crimes.

In response, Ashok and I reviewed the article thoroughly during a recent Untitled Kondabolu Brothers Project (UKBP) in August at New York City theatre The Tank.

The next UKBP will be Wednesday September 15th at 7:30 pm at The Tank (354 West 45th Street).

Laughter Against the Machine in OAKLAND on August 26th

2010-08-24T17:54:00.006-04:00

I'm happy to announce that I will be performing with my Laughter Against the Machine colleagues for TWO shows on Thursday August 26th at The New Parish in Oakland, California:

LAUGHTER AGAINST THE MACHINE

From L to R: Hari Kondabolu, W. Kamau Bell, Janine Brito and Nato Green.

For those of you who saw us at the New Parish in January, you know how special that venue is and how loud it can get. Needless to say, we are really looking forward to this Thursday's shows. The info:

WHAT: Laughter Against the Machine in Oakland

WHERE: The New Parish (579 18th Street (at San Pablo) Oakland, CA 94612)

WHEN: Thursday August 26th, 7:30 and 10pm

COST: $18 Door, $15 Advance (Ages 18+)

ADVANCE TIX: http://latmaug26-site.eventbrite.com/ (early) and http://latmaug26late-site.eventbrite.com/ (late)

A Conversation Between Marc Maron and Hari Kondabolu (Now Animated)

2010-08-17T09:56:00.008-04:00

Here is an animation of the text exchange Marc Maron and I had in Portland, Oregon after my appearance on his WTF Live Podcast at the Bridgetown Comedy Festival. It was made by Anita Drieseberg. The transcript is reposted below:

Marc:
Stewart lee just texted me that he finds u annoying.

Hari:
That's funny. Stewart Lee told me that he thinks you do a Jewish version of him which he finds flattering.

Marc:
You were funny last nite. Maybe we should travel together.

You don't mind selling my merch do you?

Hari:
Only if you're selling copies of the American version of "Never Mind the Buzzcocks."

Marc:
Those are collectible. Hard to find. Cult stuff. Maybe u could put a dvd together of all your killer sets.

We can sell that.

You don't have to fill the whole dvd.

12 to 15 mins is fine.

Hari:
I'm currently at a store called House of Vintage. Will I find your career in here?

Marc:
No but you could find some clothes that look like mine. Is that why you are there?

Hari:
Sorry for the late reply. Stopped giving a shit.

Marc:
That was a hurtful out. Stop stealing my angle.

Btw. Word on the street is you're 'difficult to work with.'

There's nothing wrong with pursuing writing.

Cunt.

Hari:
You win.

Marc:
Thank god. I'm exhausted.

Hari:
Want to join me and my friends for a drink? We're at Mulligan's. 3518 Hawthorne.

Marc:
Just drove by u on the street. Stop crying.

Hari:
I guess I am the Indian version of you.

Marc:
Touche.

Marc Maron, Stewart Lee, Hari Kondabolu and the WTF Podcast

2010-08-12T14:12:00.009-04:00

For those of you who have followed my comedy career, or at least this blog, you'll know that I am a giant fan of British comedian Stewart Lee. He is one of the sharpest, most deliberate and courageous comics I have ever heard and his work has made me rethink a lot of my approach to stand-up. I can honestly say that one of the biggest gifts from my time studying in London was being introduced to Stewart Lee's comedy. (And a special thanks to my friend Bernard Keenan for that!) All this being said, you can imagine my excitement when Marc Maron told me that he was going to interview Stewart in London last month for his WTF Podcast.

I had first suggested Marc interview Stewart when I opened for him at the SF Punchline last October. Marc seemed interested in the idea, though he admitted he knew very little about him or about British comedy, in general. I had been in London the previous December for my LSE graduation when I saw Stewart work out some new pieces during one his "Scrambled Egg" shows at the Hen and Chickens. He had graciously bought me a beer before the show and allowed me pick his brains about his comedic philosophies, career and even about the background of certain pieces on his DVDs. He was just as articulate, thoughtful and funny off-stage as he was during his show an hour later.

The whole experience reminded me of years earlier when Marc Maron bought coffee for an anxiety-riddled 20 year old version of me at the Olive Tree Cafe above the legendary Comedy Cellar in New York. I had picked Marc's brain about doing a solo show, developing an act and what it would take for someone to realistically make a career of stand-up comedy. After Marc started WTF, I knew the two of them had a lot of talk about since they were both comedians who have made a career out of honest, thought-provoking art that challenged audiences, perhaps to the detriment of their economic well beings. After months of pestering him, the day had finally arrived and it was well worth the wait. You can listen to the episode here:

http://wtfpod.libsyn.com/episode_98_stewart_lee

I grew up in New York City and most of my early experiences with comedy were going to shows at the Comedy Cellar. The Cellar would offer free passes during the weekdays and all you would have to do is pay for 2 drinks. For the price of 2 sodas, me and my highschool friends watched the biggest comedians in the country showcase their newest material. It was amazing...and I was mesmerized to see comedy live and up-close. Marc was always my favorite comic during these early shows because he made me question what I thought stand-up comedy had to be. In addition to the constant racism, sexism, homophobia that seems to part and parcel with the form (especially in the various mainstream basements we perform in), it seemed important that the comedian not be too thoughtful. If you were too thoughtful, you would kill any shot of making people laugh. You covered the surface. Don't dig too deep because you'll confuse people, alienate them or find a flaw in whatever flimsy logic you put forward. He was evidence to me that you could do more with the form and of course, when his record "Not Sold Out," I listened to it repeatedly and with a fine-toothed comb. The record was one I treated as a "How to..."

I first met Marc when I was a student at Wesleyan University during my study-away from Bowdoin College (I went from Maine to Connecticut). I had convinced a professor in a Sociology class about Popular Culture to let me write about stand-up and I used this as a way to talk to comedians and understand what a career in stand-up comedy looked like. Marc let me interview him over the phone and answered questions more honestly than I ever imagined. After the chat, I listened to my cassette tape over and over. I was amazed that he let me interview him and confused as to why he was so open about his career being where it was at it was at that point.

Now...with all that being said...you can imagine how cool it was to be asked to appear on a live taping of WTF this past April at the Bridgetown Comedy Festival in Portland, Oregon.

Photo by Morgan Murphy

There's a mental adjustment comics have to make when they've reached a point in their careers when they are performing alongside those they looked up to as young comedy fans. Your comedic heroes become your colleagues and sometimes, your friends. You are still in awe of their abilities, but they're more complete people now. I treat this podcast as a personal milestone. You can listen to it here:

http://wtfpod.libsyn.com/episode_69_live_portland_super_show

On the episode, I confronted Marc about the dynamic of some of our interactions, as well as him claiming I do "an Indian version" of him, which he finds "flattering" from WTF, ep. 49 with Kumail Nanjiani. He was a good sport about letting me say what I said during the podcast and was quite kind afterwards.

In fact, here is a text exchange Maron I had in Portland the day after our WTF "discussion":

Marc:
Stewart lee just texted me that he finds u annoying.

Hari:
That's funny. Stewart Lee told me that he thinks you do a Jewish version of him which he finds flattering.

Marc:
You were funny last nite. Maybe we should travel together.

You don't mind selling my merch do you?

Hari:
Only if you're selling copies of the American version of "Never Mind the Buzzcocks."

Marc:
Those are collectible. Hard to find. Cult stuff. Maybe u could put a dvd together of all your killer sets.

We can sell that.

You don't have to fill the whole dvd.

12 to 15 mins is fine.

Hari:
I'm currently at a store called House of Vintage. Will I find your career in here?

Marc:
No but you could find some clothes that look like mine. Is that why you are there?

Hari:
Sorry for the late reply. Stopped giving a shit.

Marc:
That was a hurtful out. Stop stealing my angle.

Btw. Word on the street is you're 'difficult to work with.'

There's nothing wrong with pursuing writing.

Cunt.

Hari:
You win.

Marc:
Thank god. I'm exhausted.

Hari:
Want to join me and my friends for a drink? We're at Mulligan's. 3518 Hawthorne.

Marc:
Just drove by u on the street. Stop crying.

Hari:
I guess I am the Indian version of you.

Marc:
Touche.

The Untitled Kondabolu Brothers Project in NY MAGAZINE!

2010-08-06T10:15:00.003-04:00

Tonight's Untitled Kondabolu Brothers Project's show at 7:30 at The Tank (354 West 45th St.) was just listed as one of New York Magazine's 5 Comedy Shows to Check Out this Weekend.

This is significantly better than our previous press coverage, described in the video clip below:

Tonight's show will be awesome. Our special guest is standup comedian and Look At This Fucking Hipster creator Joe Mande.

The Internet is a Weirdo

2010-08-03T12:01:00.006-04:00

After watching my Ethnic Needs joke from John Oliver's New York Stand Up Show on Comedy Central's Website, this mysteriously appeared:

Thanks to Anshu Wahi for the screen capture.

What about this joke makes breasts and butts the next logical video to watch...as opposed to another video of me telling jokes?

College Humor's "Inception Characters Don't Understand Inception"

2010-08-02T13:23:00.004-04:00

I play "Yusef" in College Humor's video "Inception Characters Don't Understand Inception." This is quite funny, unless you haven't seen Inception.

See more funny videos and funny pictures at CollegeHumor.

An Honest Moment in Aspen

2010-07-30T18:02:00.003-04:00

I performed at this year's Aspen Rooftop Comedy Festival and here is a clip of things not going as I carefully planned. The experience for most involved was still enjoyable.

Hari Kondabolu Headlines Boston for the First Time!

2010-07-29T09:30:00.005-04:00

Tell your friends in Boston that I'll be headlining Mottley's Comedy Club on Friday July 30th and Saturday July 31st!

WHAT: Hari Kondabolu Headlines in Boston for the FIRST Time

WHERE: Mottley's Comedy Club (61 Chatham Street)

WHEN: July 30th and 31st, 8pm

COST: $20

ADVANCE TICKETS: http://www.ticketfusion.com/store/one/index.html?store_id=13353&master_store_id=13353&page_type=master_ticket&show_id=516592&qid=10770374370&cid

AGES 21 and Over

(Bethany Van Delft and Rick Canavan Opening)

Hari Kondabolu Interviewed on MTV Iggy

2010-07-28T12:23:00.008-04:00

For those of you who missed it, I have a pretty long two-part interview up on MTV Iggy in preparation for this year's Unification 2010 on August 14/15th at Joe's Pub in NYC.

Photo taken by Mindy Tucker. Old softball jersey stolen from my alma mater.

PART 1: http://blog.mtviggy.com/2010/07/16/q-a-with-hari-kondabolu-part-i/

PART 2: http://blog.mtviggy.com/2010/07/16/q-a-with-comedian-hari-kondabolu-part-ii-joel-stein-bloody-bastard/

I'm The Other One

2010-06-08T18:04:00.027-04:00

A few days ago, Amar (a fan and good guy from SF) sent me an e-mail with the subject "You're quoted in the most recent Game Developer (June/July 2010)"

Game Developer is apparently a video game magazine, making my supposed appearance highly unlikely. The only video games I have played in the last 10 years are "Little League Baseball" for the old Nintendo system, "Tetris" for Gameboy, "ViruaTennis" for Playstation and "Wii Boxing."

But here I am mentioned on page 43 of Game Developer in an article entitled "The Real World: The Ups and Downs of Using Real-World Reference Material"

"Working with real-world subjects also raises interesting ethical and practical questions. Comedian Hari Kondabalou has a great routine about his mixed feelings on tearing open his eagerly awaited copy of MODERN WARFARE 2 and discovering a multiplayer map set in his home town of Karachi. Not only was he offended, he didn't even gain any tactical advantage for fighting on his home turf!"

WOW.

A couple of things, Game Developer Magazine:

1) "Kondabalou?" Really, man? You didn't even bother double-checking the spelling of my name for this article? You were that confident that you spelled my name right? Do you know what Google says when you type in Hari Kondabalou? It says "Did you mean Hari Kondabolu?" Did you not mean him? Were you convinced there was another dude with a remarkably similar name also doing standup comedy in the United States? Or were you just that lazy?

2) That's not my joke. And unfortunately for you, I know who's joke that is. It's this guy's:

This is my friend, the very talented, also South Asian (Pakistani, to be exact), and avid video game fan, KUMAIL NANJIANI.

Though annoying, this is not the worst time I've been confused with another comedian. That would be the famous Election Night 2008 incident.

Still, I'm still bummed people can't tell us apart. This is not the first time Kumail and I have been confused with each other. Last year, before my set at a bar in the Lower East Side, a bartender yelled at me for not paying for my "Rum and Diet Coke." I only drink water before shows and, as my inner circle knows, when I do drink rum I prefer it to be mixed with Dr. Pepper (Regular Coke, if necessary.) After telling the bartender I didn't order that drink, she made a bee-line to Kumail and then yelled at him.

Anyway, I think it's time for another quick review of Brown folks (last time I had to do this is when that stupid woman in Williamsburg, Brooklyn compared me to the dude from Lost):

HARI KONDABOLU

KUMAIL NANJIANI

AZIZ ANSARI

ALF

ROBERT MUGABE

HARI KONDABOLU

A Pentacostal Church in Williamsburg

2010-05-27T11:51:00.005-04:00

A few months ago, I was wandering around Williamsburg, Brooklyn when I stumbled into this Pentecostal Church:

Fair or unfair, when I think of Williamsburg, I don't generally think of religion. I think of godless, tight panted, generally white, adult children of privilege who treat the space like the small college towns they went to school in. I once heard someone compare Williamsburg to Madison, Wisconsin...and I almost exploded. (Again, I generalize and Williamsburg, like most things, is much more complicated.)

Anyway, when I think of Williamsburg, I definitely do not think of a Pentacostal church. So, what's more amazing than a Pentecostal church in Williamsburg?

How about how said church has been trying to recruit new followers? Check out the poster I saw hanging outside:

Clearly with the influx of young, "tight pantsters" in the area (avoiding the word "hipster" because I don't really know what it means), this Pentacostal Church wanted to find a way to appeal to this new demographic.

"Well, they love music. How about we display a Christian version of Rolling Stone to grab their attention? Rolled The Stone Away Magazine!"

Too bad "tight pantsters" don't really read Rolling Stone.

My favorite parts of this poster include:

-"Special Report: Jesus is bigger than the Beatles." Jesus Christ! That's in reference to something John Lennon said in 1966. This church still has an issue with the Beatles?? Have any of them listened to popular music since then? So much more for them to legitimately hate!

- "Jesus explains why Heaven is the best music venue around!" Yeah, I seriously doubt that is true. If there's a Christian heaven and hell, the best musicians are burning in hell. And who wants to hear Christian rock musicians in heaven? Christian rock music is probably even more annoying in Christian heaven. "Yeah dude, Jesus is right there... you can stop talking about him."

Finally, at the very bottom:

- "Also: Free Trip to Heaven" Are they threatening to kill people?

Or maybe this Pentacostal Church was built recently for the sake of being ironic. The use of the literary device "irony" seems to be big in Williamsburg. Perhaps some could even argue it is overused...and annoying.

P.S. Enjoy my previous posted entries about white Jesus: Here and Here.

MANOJ KRISHNAMURTHY IS DEAD

2010-05-20T15:11:00.006-04:00

I made a movie a few years ago called MANOJ. Here it is:

And today I received the following YouTube message:

"Hi my name is [NAME WITHHELD] and I work for the University of Alaska Anchroage Student Activities office. I noticed you posted Manoj's video on Youtube and was wondering if you have any contact information for him. We are interested in possibly booking him for a a show but he has no contact information listed. If you have any information on how to contact him or his agent, please email me back at [E-MAIL WITHHELD]"

I don't know how to break this to you, [NAME WITHHELD]...but Manoj Krishnamurthy is dead. I killed him with a razor and some shaving cream.

Before you call the police to report me for murder, let me clarify further: MANOJ KRISHNAMURTHY IS A FICTIONAL CHARACTER THAT I CREATED AND THEN PLAYED FOR A SHORT FILM. HE IS NOT REAL.

Friends, I would like to tell you this has never happened before...but it has...and will continue.

It's hilarious and depressing.

Wow, William Steig

2010-05-18T19:59:00.009-04:00

This image is from a page of the children's book Sylvester and the Magic Pebble by William Steig.

The plot of the book really does not matter. What does matter:

COPS AS PIGS...in a children's book!

According to Wikipedia, the book has been banned in parts of the country as a result of Steig's decision to portray the police in this way.

Did he know what he was doing? Was it intentional? Was he unaware of this popularly used expression for the police? Does he have no minority friends?

So many questions.

Black in Time

2010-05-02T23:01:00.007-04:00

In recent weeks, I've been working on a bit about who gets to time travel in films and what would happen if people of color, and specifically myself, ever got a chance to change the past.

Then today, my friend Courtney sent me a picture of...

THE GREATEST BOOK EVER WRITTEN:

"A black militant, a white supremacist, and a time travel device tangle in a fight to rewrite history and eternity."

OH MY GOD.

I had never heard of Black in Time by John Jakes before today, but I now know I must purchase this book.

Here is a further description of the book from a review on Amazon.com:

"A scientist has introduced a time travel device in a near-future America that's on the brink of a major race war. A black militant and a white supremacist both attempt to use the time machine to go back and alter history for the benefit of their respective races. The protagonist Harold, a peaceful black scientist, tries to prevent both bad guys from the unknown effects of time travel (the handy "don't alter the future" theme for all post-Bradbury time travel stories), while also exploring his own racial sympathies and internal struggles. This is a suspenseful and rip-roaring story with some deep thoughts on human nature and racial conflict, though Jakes zooms through his plot devices way too fast to really explore the full ramifications of his story."

Don't worry, reader. I promise you that the "full ramifications" will be explored in the Black in Time movie and its sequels...which I have now made it my life's goal to write.

Hari Kondabolu's Fake Acting Reel

2010-04-12T11:31:00.003-04:00

After much hype and delay, here is "Hari Kondabolu's Fake Acting Reel." It was shot in November 2008 in San Francisco and features appearances from several notable SF comics including Alex Koll (who directed and edited it), Sean Keane, Chris Garcia and Mary Van Note. Enjoy:

Hari Kondabolu on the NIL DOCTRINE

2010-04-05T11:23:00.005-04:00

As some of you might know, I've been a fan of Jay Smooth and his Ill Doctrine for quite some time. Jay is able to take big issues like politics, hip hop, and race and present them in a well-reasoned, well-delivered and quite funny video essay in less than 5 minutes. They are edited cleverly and give you something to digest and recirculate easily to your friends, family and co-workers. His piece "How to Tell People They Sound Racist" has been a tremendous resource to me and has been used in colleges and workplaces throughout the U.S. as a training tool.

All this being said, I am very proud to share this video I made with Jay for his new Nil Doctrine page. It's a little piece about healthcare entitled "Health Care and the Lost Art of Compromise."

NYC: HARI KONDABOLU HEADLINES COMIX on THURS APRIL 8th!

2010-03-31T11:09:00.003-04:00

Friends and Fans,

My biggest show to date in NYC will be occurring next Thursday April 8th at COMIX (353 West 14th Street) in NYC and I'd love for you all to attend. I will be co-headlining this night with my friend Baron Vaughn.

WHAT: An Evening with Baron Vaughn and Hari Kondabolu

WHERE: Comix NY (353 West 14th Street)

WHEN: Thurs. April 8th at 7:30 PM

COST: $20 Door, $15 Advance

ADVANCE TIX: http://comixny.com/event.aspx?eid=747

(SPECIAL $5 OFF DISCOUNT CODE: EWBH)

The "Goodwill" is Over?

2010-03-13T17:18:00.011-05:00

What a depressing sight! A Candidate Obama shirt being sold on a rack at a Goodwill in Boston.

Did someone stop believing?

Either someone decided to get rid of this shirt because they are disillusioned with President Obama or because...it's a godawful shirt!

Why is Obama's head so misshapen and bizarrely angled on this t-shirt? Why is his forehead so huge? Why??? Why does this exist?

People loved Obama so much that this poorly designed, poorly executed shirt could actually be purchased at one time. This is a historical document, as far as I'm concerned.

Racist Fingerpuppets at IKEA

2010-03-12T13:48:00.013-05:00

Thanks to Anshu and Figgy for capturing this madness at the IKEA in Brooklyn

Really IKEA? Is this what "diversity" looks like to you? An ideal world with finger puppets mixing together on the same (white) hand, as long as the one Brown puppet is the cook?

Why does there have to be racism in the world of finger puppets? Is nothing sacred?

Why can't it be a Brown couple with a white cook? Or a Brown couple with a Brown cook and a white kid?

And where are the Asian, South Asian and Latino finger puppets? Are they not allowed on the hand? Are they too busy cleaning the floors, Racist-ass IKEA? Is this how your kids play with fingerpuppets in Sweden?

You could have had the decency of putting the Brown puppet on the middle finger. At least give us some symbolic justice!

BASTARDS.

Captain Planet: End of Days

2010-02-16T12:28:00.002-05:00

Hari Kondabolu in "Captain Planet: End of Days." Part of the soon-to-be-released "Hari Kondabolu's Fake Acting Reel"

Not My Daughter

2010-02-10T20:10:00.004-05:00

Hari Kondabolu in the Lifetime movie "Not My Daughter." Part of the soon-to-be-released "Hari Kondabolu's Fake Acting Reel"

My set from John Oliver's New York Stand-Up Show

2010-02-06T17:26:00.005-05:00

In case you missed it, here is my set from John Oliver's New York Stand-Up Show on Comedy Central.

The first one has been labeled "Ethnic Needs."

Jokes.com

Hari Kondabolu - Ethnic Needs

comedians.comedycentral.com

Joke of the Day

Stand-Up Comedy

Free Online Games

This is a slightly different version of my original "Cocoa Butter" joke.

And here is my "Vegan Soul Food" joke:

Jokes.com

Hari Kondabolu - Vegan Soul Food

comedians.comedycentral.com

Joke of the Day

Stand-Up Comedy

Free Online Games

Dumb Professor

2010-02-05T03:18:00.007-05:00

Here is the first episode of my friend Randall Park's new Channel 101 webseries "Dumb Professor":

I've been a fan of Randall's work since his Dr. Miracles series on Channel 102 and I was fortunate enough to be in the first episode of his previous Channel 101 series, The Food.

In addition to being a great friend, Randall is a fantastic writer, producer and comedic actor. Here are some outtakes of me and Randall from what should be a fairly straightforward scene in Dumb Professor.

10 Years

2010-01-14T11:48:00.004-05:00

It's been 10 years since a 17 year old Hari Kondabolu first did stand-up comedy at "Comedy Night," a show he produced at Townsend Harris High School.

Look at him un-ironically wearing that sports jacket on stage because he thinks that's what standup comics are supposed to look like. I'm (switching to first person now) probably telling jokes about Indian immigrants driving cabs and how thick my parents accents are. So much still to learn...

I really didn't expect to be doing stand-up comedy for this long, and the idea of being on TV and making a career out of this was not even in the realm of possibility.

Thank you all for a decade of support. I'm still constantly stunned by all of this and I'm grateful to all my friends, family and fans for their encouragement and for going to all those shows before I was even mildly funny. (I'm so, so so, so sorry...especially for that set I had at the now-closed Blah Blah Lounge in Park Slope, Brooklyn 7 years ago. WOW.)

Now off to Bellingham, Washington to celebrate 10 years by headlining Western Washington University.

And tomorrow "John Oliver's New York Stand- Up Show" at 11pm on Comedy Central.

DANCE MONKEY DANCE!!

2010-01-13T20:46:00.013-05:00

A friend just sent me this video with the following request:

"can you use your star power to stop this?"

I'm sorry, friend. Even with a Comedy Central appearance on the horizon, there is likely nothing I can do.

However, I will ask the actors in this commercial one question: "Was it worth the check, boys?"

And more:

And more?:

For further reference on my views of such buffoonery, please watch my 2007 short film MANOJ:

Accidental Racism? Part 2

2010-01-12T19:36:00.012-05:00

A friend sent this video to me months ago. She believed it to be from Thailand. I'm struggling to make sense of it:

I really do think the folks at this Black Herbal toothpaste company did not have bad intentions when they made this advertisement.

"Appearance can be deceiving. Black Herbal Toothpaste."

On the one hand, the advertisement is saying that you shouldn't judge people/things based on how they look because a person/thing can still be good even if you think they/it looks bad.

On the other hand, this commercial is based on the fucked up assumption that large Black men appear to be "bad" because they are Black.

(Yes, I'm talking in "good vs. bad" because...well...you saw the commercial.)

"His appearance is deceiving because he is a large Black man, and therefore we would, of course, assume he would hurt a child because that's what Black people do. They hurt other people. Why is that offensive? I still called him a person."

Or as my dear friend Ariela put it "they're saying "don't be grossed out because our product is black. we're scared of black men, but we shouldn't be. don't be scared of our product either."

Also, why is a black man being compared to toothpaste? That's just absurd...and again...DEHUMANIZING.

That point of view is the "other hand." This hand, however, was apparently Black and therefore, was deemed inconsequential or too scary to consider.

Hari Kondabolu on John Oliver's New York Stand-Up Show This Friday!

2010-01-11T19:51:00.010-05:00

Hey Kids,

As the subject line says, I'll be appearing on John Oliver's New York Stand-Up Show on Comedy Central this Friday, January 15th at 11pm.

Here's the proof that it isn't live:

RE-AIR DATES: Tuesday Jan 19th at 6pm and Friday Jan 22nd at Midnight

Even the Bathrooms in SF are Smart and Interesting

2010-01-08T20:01:00.014-05:00

Here are various things I saw written on the bathroom wall at Philz Coffee on 24th and Fulsom in San Francisco. (To the patrons who were patiently waiting outside the bathroom for me to exit, I apologize that my faux journalism potentially created any discomfort for you.)

"Go confidently in the direction of your dreams...Live the life you've imagined."

A quotation from Thoreau!

I don't know why the ellipsis was necessary since I do believe that is more or less the full Thoreau quote, unless the tagger added this piece of punctuation for dramatic effect! If so, well done!

And how about something cute:

"LET'S MAKE LIKE A BANANA AND ABSCOND"

Adorable! The expression is "let's make like a banana and split," and here the tagger decided to change the word "split" to "abscond," which means "to leave secretly."

Bananas are actually unable to abscond. Unlike animals, bananas are unable to move without force and unlike, humans cannot be willfully secretive. (Interesting side question, can other animals sneak away from something? That's a hilarious thought. A monkey sneaking away from another monkey whose banana it stole. HILARIOUS, RIGHT?)

Anyway the expression is about getting away quickly, and "abscond" does seem appropriate in that context. BRILLIANT.

Let's look at another picture:

"YOU ALL COME HERE TO GET OUT OF THE HOUSE BUT YOU SIT IN FRONT OF COMPUTERS AND HEADPHONES?"

Yes, Yes, Yes!! Brilliant! You have called us on our bullshit, good fellow or lady! Yes, in the modern world, none of us are free! EVER.

And another:

"SMILE GORGEOUS. NOTHING IS WRONG."

Beautiful San Francisco! Beautiful denial of your reality. Put your headphones back on and stare at that computer!

And this guy:

"DEBUG IS WATCHING YOU POOP"

Who is this fellow and what does he have to gain from watching me poop? Why San Francisco? Are you trying to remind us about Big Brother? He's everywhere!

"IB: Go to the Federal Establishment on 23rd and Van Ness, ask for 'general delivery' -ZB"

Drugs? Oh ok. I think this is about drugs. Hmm...so that's what this is all about.

Laughter Against the Machine in Oakland, Jan 7th-9th

2010-01-06T19:57:00.006-05:00

After 3 SOLD OUT New Year's Eve shows in San Francisco, W. Kamau Bell, Nato Green and I are bringing our noise to The New Parish in Oakland.

Here's a great write-up from the East Bay Express about our New Year's Eve shows: http://www.eastbayexpress.com/ebx/hit-from-left-field/Content?oid=1547666

Apparently, I was "the night's most acerbic comedian."

WHAT THE FUCK DOES THAT MEAN?

Oh...right.

2010 Starts in SF

2010-01-02T05:23:00.032-05:00

Happy New Year, Friends!

I started my 2010 in San Francisco, counting down the seconds with my good friends W. Kamau Bell and Nato Green after our sold-out New Year's Eve "Laughter Against the Machine" shows. We got lots of great press for the shows including our picture in the SF Guardian.

I spent a good chunk of 2009 performing and visiting dear friends in San Francisco. No city, other than my dearest Seattle, has given me so much love and support and I appreciate it to no end.

So, for my first blog of 2010, here are some pictures (with commentary) from this most recent trip to the Bay Area.

I'm so glad I no longer have a Razr phone. Much higher picture quality allows us to take pictures like this:

The view of the city of Lombard Street

This next picture was taken while walking in SF's Tenderloin neighborhood. It's a sign outside of the "New Delhi" Indian restaurant.

Yes, that's right owners of New Delhi Indian Restaurant, Columbus was looking for Indian food! That was the whole point of trying to find India. He was craving Indian food.

Yes, this makes complete sense.

Haven't you ever been so hungry, that you do things you regret? You know, like eat junk food or say crazy things because you can't think rationally. Columbus was the same way, except he responded to not finding Indian food by killing, enslaving and converting to Christianity the indigenous people of the islands.

Idiots.

Then, there's this gem I found at a candy shop in Fisherman's Wharf.

Wheelchair accessibility! How considerate!

Oh C'mon! Seriously? Haven't the Native Americans suffered enough with their land being stolen and the rampant poverty of reservations? And stuff like this still exists?

A Native American turned into a candy dispenser? Lollipop feathers? Lollipop feathers?!?!

Need a closer look?

This statue is clearly unrealistic since the Native American is not crying. Where are the tears that are the result of a person being completely humiliated?

And finally, here's the cutest/ most humiliating photo of the new year:

Accidental Racism?

2009-12-30T16:48:00.013-05:00

A friend recently sent me this picture after a trip to Japan with her partner. They took this picture in a clothing store:

Knock off "The North Face" jackets become "The Black Face." Incredible...and I'd like to believe, by accident.

Mark Twain Tonight!

2009-12-29T21:48:00.018-05:00

I've always enjoyed the writings of Mark Twain, particularly the short stories, so when my friend Sam's father Mark introduced me to "Mark Twain Tonight!" I was blown away.

Actor Hal Holbrook has been doing Twain for over 50 years now. So long now that he no longer has to wear a white wig and mustache.

ACTUAL TWAIN

HAL HOLBROOK'S MARK TWAIN

I had the pleasure of seeing the show in an unfortunately half-filled Moore Theater several years ago in Seattle, and I can honestly say that it was amongst the best comedic performances I have ever seen.

Holbrook becomes Twain. He seamlessly transitions from one Twain piece to the next and is able to draw from a broad range of works in Twain's catalogue, even tailoring segments of the night somewhat to fit the current state of world affairs. In the middle of two wars, Holbrook focused on Twain's pieces on war and governments and religion and human nature. Incredible.

This is stand-up comedy to me. Well paced, well delivered, well written stand-up comedy. Truly inspiring.

Here Twain discusses Religion and Nationalism:

Are you a sardine?

2009-12-28T22:57:00.008-05:00

Last week, while in the passenger seat of a car in Seattle, I took a photo of the license plate of the car in front of me.

It reads "IMINOIL"

I'm in oil?

Why would this be on this man's license plate?

Does he work for an oil company?

Is it a deeper statement about the state of his life? He feels trapped? Perhaps by his own personal dependence on foreign oil?

Or could he perhaps, like myself, be a HUGE Stewart Lee fan?

This last question will make more sense after watching this video clip from Stewart Lee's 2007 Edinburgh set. This piece is about his mother's obsession with a standup performance she saw from former British gameshow host and current road/sea comedian Tom O'Connor on a cruise ship.

MINORITYFEST 2009: This Friday Dec 11th at Glasslands Gallery in NYC!

2009-12-08T12:15:00.012-05:00

Minorityfest 2009
FRIDAY, DECEMBER 11, 2009 @ GLASSLANDS (289 Kent Avenue, Brooklyn)
Doors: 7 PM
Cost: $7

Minorityfest 2009 is a ONE NIGHT ONLY multimedia event being held at Glasslands in Brooklyn featuring nationally-recognized artists of color in comedy, music and visual art. While some artists were chosen for the overt or subversive political value of their art, others were invited simply because of the value of their craft and what it brings to the festival. The goal is to highlight amazing and inspirational artists of color who perform in Williamsburg, bring artists to the area who deserve recognition, and hopefully attract a diverse audience to the festival that reflects the talent represented and the nature of this city's population.

The event was conceived as a means of showcasing and connecting various marginalized artists across many media, many of whom create art that serves to either discuss issues of cultural alienation and marginalization or else complicate popular conceptions about their culture by virtue of the very existence of their art.

The festival will begin with a panel discussion comprised of a racially diverse array of artists, academics, comedians and writers discussing what they do and issues they face as artists of color. The panel will be moderated by Himanshu Suri and Ashok Kondabolu of Das Racist and will include Dallas Penn, Julianne Escobedo Shepherd (of the Fader), Jay Smooth (of Ill Doctrine) and Sam Han.

This will be followed by a comedy show featuring comedians Ali Wong, Sheng Wang, Hari Kondabolu, Baron Vaughn, Victor Varnado and Kumail Nanjiani.

The night will continue with musical performances by POPO, Das Racist and Gordon Voidwell.

Rounding out the night are DJ sets from Sabzi of hip hop group, Blue Scholars and rapper Despot (Definitive Jux)
SCHEDULE: - (start times)
PANEL - 8:00 PM
COMEDY 9:30
MUSIC: 11:00
DJ SETS: 2:00 AM

"Lost" Night

2009-12-06T18:53:00.009-05:00

I am pasting an apology that was recently sent to me regarding an incident that I was involved in last month in Williamsburg, Brooklyn, NYC. I need to fill in all the details for you and promise to do so sooner than later. For now, you can chew on this apology and my reply. (I've withheld people's names.)

Her apology:

Hi Hari,

[Our mutual friend] shared a few of your comments with me and I hope you can accept my apologies for offending you. Never was my intention to put you in a box or stereotype. Naveen Andrews is an attractive man and I would have hoped you would have taken the resemblance as a compliment. Clearly, you didn't, but as a comedian hopefully you understand jokes don't always go as planned. Sorry again to have caused any harm.

[Name Withheld Because I am not a PETTY asshole]

My response:

Hello [Name Withheld Because I am not a PETTY asshole],

Let me start by saying that I have to deal with bullshit like this constantly. This is not new to me and I no longer blindly accept apologies from people who say thoughtless things and then backtrack when they are called on it. An empty apology from you on facebook, possibly so you can feel better about whatever you think happened or so you can appease your friend, will not cut it. I’m not sure if you and I have the same recollection of the night’s events, so let me personally share my thoughts and you can contemplate for a moment and know what you are actually apologizing for.

Let me first say that I DO NOT look like Naveen Andrews, regardless of how attractive you think he is. I do not look like this other brown man, just like my tall Black friend does not look like Lebron James regardless of how much the moron he works with insists that he does. That’s like me saying Renee Zelwegger and Charlize Theron…or any blonde white actress with shortish hair look alike.
Not only was what you said wrong, but how you chose to say it was fucked up. It wasn’t delivered as a compliment and I didn’t take it as such. You, without looking at or addressing your comments to me, said I was “The guy from Lost.” Me and this fellow from some television series are both just brown-skinned people with long hair. You saw those things first and thoughtlessly made your comment. When my hair was shorter I would hear the names of different brown-skinned celebrities that white people thought I looked like and now that my hair is longer, I’m hit with a new one.

Let me also remind you, that the “joke” you made was at my expense. It was NOT shared BETWEEN us. You made your comment before we had been properly introduced and I was laughed AT. We had not even made eye contact yet. You said it as soon as I walked in the door, and then you introduced yourself a little while later. If you had seen the look on my face when you made the comment initially, perhaps you would have known not to make the same joke again when you called me “Sayid” at the end of the night.

Let me say, that as a comedian…and human being…I try to be sensitive. I try to be deliberate about the words I choose and not make too many assumptions. I can take a joke and I can make one…but I am present when I talk to people and when I do say something that may hurt them, I try to apologize immediately.

In closing, the thought that kept repeating in my mind was “why can’t a dude simply get a drink on a Saturday night without some racist bullshit happening to him?” A very reasonable question.

Now that I have said my piece, if you apologize to me for racist things you said and not for offending me (the onus is on you, not on me), I will accept it, but not otherwise.

-Hari Kondabolu

P.S. I do realize the word “racist” might scare you. That being said, let me clarify that I am NOT calling you a racist. I do not know who you are or what you’ve experienced. However, I do feel what you said was racist and think you need to be called out for it. If you need this to be clarified further, here is a video from my friend Jay Smooth of the Ill Doctrine:

My Major Motion Picture Debut in "All About Steve"

2009-11-08T18:35:00.033-05:00

I made my motion picture debut this past September in 20th Century Fox's All About Steve:

"Hari, can you verify this? I'm sure there were a ton of people who claimed to be in this film and even though Imdb does list you as "Crossword Businessman" I want to know for sure."

Fine.

Here is a picture of me in the film, taken by my friend Sam, in a theater in Seattle:

Look at me being all Crossword Businessman-y!

Exciting, right? An Indian male playing a bit comedic part in a major motion picture and I'm in the BACK of a cab. Progress! I am the "Reverse Rosa Parks" of the Indian community. Never to the front again!

I went to this film with four male friends. Everyone else in the audience was either heterosexual couples or middle-aged women. There were maybe 20 people in the theater. It was the first screening of the film on opening night.

And the reviews?

"All About Steve, an unfunny, annoying, badly written, badly acted comic fiasco, may be the worst movie in Bullock's career."
ORLANDO SENTINEL

Worse than Miss Congeniality 2: Armed and Fabulous? Also, isn't comparing Sandra Bullock films like comparing the Holocaust with Slavery? It's disrespectful to the victims of those tragedies to ever make such a comparison!

"A Monstrosity."
SEATTLE POST-INTELLIGENCER

Not a good sign when your film is effectively being compared to a "war crime." (Though perhaps accurate. There is no international law against using this film during interrogations, and even if there was...I'm sure it is being used somewhere to secure confessions.) Also, note how the newspaper has three words in the title and their review only had two.

"It is to comedy what leprosy once was to the island of Molokai: a plague best contemplated from many miles away."
BOSTON GLOBE

Wow, Ty Burr. You must have had that line written somewhere and were waiting for a film horrific enough to justify its use. I refuse to believe this film could possibly lead to something that creative.

I won't give away the plot because I don't want to SPOIL it for you all! Can a piece of shit ...or does it simply turn into manure? Manure that fertilized my fledgling acting career?

Probably not.

6% on Rotten Tomatoes.

6%

6%

I wrote "6" three times because it seemed appropriate for this film.

This film did worse than Leprauchan 5: In The Hood...which somehow came in at 40%.

And I'm in this movie...and am grateful for the opportunity. And also apologetic to all the friends who went out and paid money...in this economy...to see me in it for 5 seconds. You are good people and I love you.

My friends in Minneapolis sat threw the whole thing and noticed that many people actually waited around to watch the end credits of the film. I assume this is either because everyone in the audience knew someone in the film or was so angry that this film existed that they needed to know who to blame...and potentially kill.

Even my parents didn't go out and watch it, even though they patiently waited 2 years for it to come out. They read the reviews. The Ty Burr one sealed the deal. They would wait to rent it...or borrow it from the library....or wait for the TBS Premiere. (TBS would have to change their motto from "Very Funny" to "Very Funny." The italics indicate sarcasm.

The release date kept getting pushed back. The studio knew what they had. And they couldn't wait any longer...and the film was finally defecated on Friday September 4, 2009. The studio did not release it the following Friday, I assume, out of respect for America. Our nation had been through enough on that date.

My SERIOUSLY FUNNY Interview

2009-10-29T11:57:00.003-04:00

This is an interview I did in San Francisco with comedian Joe Klocek as part of his "Seriously Funny" interview series. I was in town opening for comedians Joe Wong and Marc Maron at the Punchline.

PART 1:

PART 2:

Busy Week for the Kondabolu Brothers

2009-10-28T12:31:00.016-04:00

The Kondabolu Brothers at a wedding. We need a new headshot.

It was a busy week for me and brother Ashok. First, we did our show "The Untitled Kondabolu Brothers Project" at the Tank in NYC's Hell Kitchen with special guest Jay Smooth of Ill Doctrine on my 27th birthday. (I am 27. Holy shit, that's a real number.) Then, we had the pleasure of performing at Bard College at Simon's Rock, our first college gig.

Unfortunately, we don't have clips of those shows up currently...so for now, here is an older clip of me and Ashok talking about mustaches at Capitol Club in Seattle:

Then, Ashok performed with his bandmates Das Racist in the annual CMJ Music Marathon in NYC. He is known as "Dap." His picture was then posted in the NY Times CMJ Slideshow.

From: http://www.nytimes.com/slideshow/2009/10/23/arts/20091023_CMJTHURS_SLIDESHOW_8.html

Then, the week closed with me performing in front of a fantastic audience at NYU's Skirball Center as part of John Oliver's new TV show, tentatively called "New York Live." The show should air in early 2010.

Bill Hicks' Comedic Philosophy

2009-09-25T17:24:00.003-04:00

"Could I recommend some jugglers you might like?"

-Bill Hicks to the BBC Interviewer who just does not understand that comedy does not need to merely be about saying whatever it takes to make any person laugh.

Topps Predicts Barry Bonds' Future

2009-09-22T13:55:00.005-04:00

This is a Barry Bonds Topps Kids baseball card from 1992...before Bonds apparently starting doing steroids.

How did you know, Topps?

"I'm # 1" by Keith Mannina

2009-09-18T17:46:00.004-04:00

"I'm #1" by Keith Mannina

Commissioned in mid- 2007. Completed in June 2009.

Hari Kondabolu and The Washington Bus

2009-09-16T18:04:00.008-04:00

While I was in Seattle the last couple of weeks telling comedy jokes and having crazy things happen, I also shot some videos for my friends at the Washington Bus who are urging folks to Vote YES on Referendum 71 and Vote NO on Initiative- 1033.

Initiative 1033 would "would limit growth of certain state, county and city revenue to annual inflation and population growth, not including voter-approved revenue increases. Revenue collected above the limit would reduce property tax levies." There is a fear that such a measure to lower property taxes would lead to spending cuts in health care, education, the environment and other fundamental social services.

Here are things I say about this:

I-1033, what's next?

Spooky!

Regarding Education:

The Environmental Impact:

Ref. 71 would asks "Washington state voters to re-confirm the expansion of domestic partnership rights and obligations in Washington's originally limited domestic partnership legislation." The Washington Bus urges you to vote YES. These maniacs want you to vote NO: http://www.protectmarriagewa.com/

Here's what I have to say about it:

And here is what our friends at the pro-domestic partnership campaign Washington Families Standing Together have to say about it: www.ApproveReferendum71.org

Bill Cosby on Race in Comedy

2009-09-10T14:53:00.008-04:00

As a comedian of color, there are often expectations of the kind of material you are supposed to do. I am an Indian-American comedian, so I apparently have to talk about my parents (and do an accented impression) and make a 711 joke...etc. This does not mean that discussing ethnicity in this particular way is necessarily hacky...but I hate the fact it is expected. Why should I be expected to do anything other than attempt to be funny and tell my particular story on stage.

This being said, I found this great clip of a young Bill Cosby discussing similar expectations placed on him as a Black comic in the 1960s and making a sound analogy between him and Dick Gregory and Sid Caesar and Mort Sahl. There is room in this art form for the clown AND the dissident soothsayer...regardless of cultural/ racial/ ethnic background.

It's a shame some issues are timeless, but it is still inspiring to hear a young Bill Cosby confront similar issues before becoming a legendary, ground-breaking comedian. (And then to see Richard Pryor assume he had to be Bill Cosby before figuring out who he actually was on stage.)

And no, I am not calling myself a "dissident soothsayer." Even though I have been referred to as a "sayer" in an India Currents article and my 2006 performance at the Bumbershoot Music and Arts Festival "eviscerated Western hypocrisy with a verbal razor" according to the Seattle Times.

I am just a man.

The Hug Song by Zia Mohajerjasbi

2009-09-06T21:26:00.004-04:00

My good friend, and MANOJ director, Zia Mohajerjasbi made this video for his friend Rebequa Murphy. I agree with its sentiments wholeheartedly.

Great Shows in LA!

2009-08-28T19:59:00.003-04:00

Hey Friends,

If you're in LA or know friends in LA, I'll be doing a couple of pretty awesome shows out there.

First, on Sunday August 30th, I'm doing a show with Ali Wong and some other great comic friends in Santa Monica.

Then, I'm hosting COMEDY DEATH-RAY at UCB Theatre on Tuesday, September 1st. Oh hell yes.

Get that little boy! He'll kill us all!!

2009-08-01T20:29:00.006-04:00

This is a cellphone photo I took of a section of flight safety instructions in 2007. (I can't remember the airline). It depicts certain items which are banned during flight and, even by 2007 standards, are clearly outdated.

NO WALKMEN!

NO POCKET RADIOS!

NO OVERSIZED CELLPHONES!

And yes, that's right:

NO REMOTE CONTROL CARS!

What??!!

Yes, this means that at some point in the history of air travel, a child (presumably, hopefully) took out a remote control car and started playing with it...creating enough of an incident that remote control cars were added to the list of items banned during flight.

Oh, how I wish I could hear a potential black box recording or read a flight log of that incident.

(As the plane starts to shake.)

Pilot: I don't know what's interfering with our signal, but please turn it off!! Turn it off!!

Passenger: It's that car. Stop it!!

Flight Attendant: Everyone stop trying to tackle the car! The boy. Get that little boy! He'll kill us all!!

The Economy: Shit's Gotten Really Bad

2009-07-30T12:30:00.020-04:00

Here are some photos I've taken on my cellphone in the past few months, which seems to verify official reports that the economy is in the shitter.

Also, if you're wondering why the quality of these photos is so poor on my iPhone, it's because I don't have an iPhone. I have a Razr, a phone I was once self-conscious to own when it came out because I felt it was too flashy for my personality. The Razr's major strength is that it is a thin phone. The Razr's weaknesses are its poor sound quality, short battery life, and as we'll soon see...its shit camera.

First, here's a picture I took at a 99 cent store in Glen Oaks, Queens:

It's not just horse shampoo...it's "99 Cent" horse shampoo. So the question is, can you really afford a horse in this current economy if you have to buy cheap ass shampoo for it?

A closer look at one of the bottles reveals a startling detail:

Yes, that blurry photo does indeed reveal that this shampoo is "Safe for Human Use." People are using 99 Cent Horse Shampoo...in this country.

The next picture shows the downfall of what appears to be a once successful human being (though I suppose he could also be a liar).

Though we do not know for sure which "academy" he supposedly won an award for and which college he teaches at, we do know which Law and Order he worked on in some capacity.

How humbling it must be to now advertise Final Cut editing lessons to strangers on a light pole! A popular advertising method that seems more appropriate for out of work babysitters or for those homeowners attempting to rent out their basements.

Also, look at the homeless gentleman wheeling his cart behind the pole. How timely considering the topic we are exploring here today.

My brother believes the person may not be homeless but simply "eccentric." My brother and I know different kinds of people.

The next picture was taken outside a store in the Lower East Side:

Observe the shrewd marketing here. They could have sold those broken clockradios for $3, but they knew that it would be far more attractive to sell them for $2.99. That's a bit of consumer psychology right there. "Ah, two dollars is less than three. That's a better deal for an OK radio, broken clock piece."

This final photo was not taken by me, but something I found on the internet. I think it quite clearly illustrates how bad things have gotten:

Parents are pimping out their twin baby boys to stock image companies!

First, why is this stock image necessary? Why is there the need to have an image of twin boys dressed in formal wear, sitting in a briefcase? The only people who may find use in such an image are people like myself who are constantly searching for fodder on the internet to write/ talk about.

Second, why bring children into the world when you plan to do this to them? These babies did not have a choice in the matter. Their only form of rebellion is crying. A rebellion that can be crushed with a half-pill of prozac ground up and slipped into their baby food or formula.

This is not right. This is JUST NOT RIGHT!!!

"I'm [not] lovin' it"

2009-07-22T15:14:00.014-04:00

I received this in the mail last week:

McDonald's sent me a coupon booklet and to make sure I understood what it was for, they wrote it in Hindi ( well, kindof...it's Hindi written phoentically using the English alphabet).

BRILLIANT! ETHNICALLY TARGETED ADVERTISING.

The cover of the booklet translates to "With Price Break. Coffee Break."

Why do I know this? I translated it on Google: http://www.google.com/ig?hl=en&referrer=ign_n

Hey McDonald's, here is some useful information about Hari Kondabolu:

1) I was born in Queens, NY and my native language is English.
2) My family is from the Southern Indian state of Andhra Pradesh, where the native language is Telugu, NOT Hindi.

India has many languages. Perhaps you should have read this Wikipedia article entitled "Languages of India."

Here's another sheet of the booklet:

"Frugal Froth. More taste, less price."

And yes, you are allowed to laugh at "price kum." You have my permission. All of you. You know who you are.

Anyway...Nice try, McDonald's. I'm still not eating or drinking at your establishment. Still you should be proud that you are getting closer to identifying what I am. Remember your last attempt to convince me to purchase your garbage?

Richard Nixon on Abortion

2009-06-25T02:36:00.008-04:00

The New York Times reported yesterday that amongst the 150 hours of tape just released by the Nixon Presidential Library were revelations about Nixon's ambivalent view of abortion.

Apparently, (the) Dick was generally against abortion because it would create an environment of "permissiveness" and because "it breaks the family."

Nixon did make an exception in certain severe situations:

"There are times when an abortion is necessary. I know that. When you have a black and a white...or rape."

Wow, more reasons to absolutely loathe Richard Nixon.

But Hari, you may argue: "Doesn't the possibility exist that Nixon was not actually being horribly racist? Perhaps he was, with great foresight, merely finding a way to prevent a contributing factor to the downfall of his party?

No, no...I'm kidding. This is more definitive proof that Richard Nixon was a horrible bigot. We didn't even cover what he thought of Jews.

The Food, Episode 1

2009-06-09T17:45:00.004-04:00

Here is the pilot episode of Randall Park's new Channel 101 show "The Food." Randall is the man who brought us the genius that is Dr. Miracles. (Look Dr. Miracles is what it is, but what "it is" happens to be hilarious! Why does my brow always have to be kept high?)

I have a vested interest in this show's success since Randall is a friend of mine... and I happen to be in the first episode.

(There's a line that was cut from my part that I still think is great. After eating dinner, I say "This has a pre-1903 Coca Cola flavor that I just can't get enough of.")

The Kondabolu Brothers in Seattle

2009-06-04T12:47:00.005-04:00

Doppelgänger Justice

2009-05-22T17:04:00.008-04:00

The rise of Barack Obama has meant so much to millions of people around the World. However, I doubt whether any individual has been as personally affected as this young man in Indonesia.

INDONESIAN OBAMA!

For years, he was undoubtedly teased for his narrow head and goofy ears. And now, he finally has some justice!

Some Reservations

2009-05-22T13:22:00.007-04:00

I like Anthony Bourdain's food and travel show "No Reservations" a great deal. Ofcourse, like all shows of its ilk, it has its fair bit of cultural exotification.

I always find it strange when people feel the need to equate "my culture" (whatever that means to whoever is talking to me) with food.

Like this recent interaction I had with some idiot in Park Slope.

"Hey man, you're South Indian? That's awesome. I love South Indian food."

Who looks at a person and thinks of food immediately? You look at me and you salivate thinking about food you've had that people of my assumed "heritage" have made for you and served you in restaurants? Almost feels cannibalistic.

But I digress.

I do enjoy Bourdain's personality and he does provide the viewer with more historical context than most food and travel shows.

"Sri Lanka...something about the civil war...oh, the devastation...now let's get to the curry."

After looking Anthony Bourdain up on Wikipedia, I found out that he battled drug addiction for many years.

According to the aforementioned online pedia:

"he sank to a point where he was selling his record collection on the street to get money for drugs."

Really, that's how far Anthony Bourdain sank? So far that he had to sell his Television LP?

So things got so bad...that they really didn't get all that bad?

Not to belittle Anthony Bourdain's battle with drug addiction, but I don't think I can sympathize with that particular aspect of his fight. It's not particularly compelling.

Really, we're supposed to feel bad about him selling his record collection? There's still privilege in having things, like records, to sell for drugs.

I'm less concerned with the person who has to rent out the spare room in their loft in SOHO for drug money and more with the person who has to rent out...their mouth.

Hmm...I think the whole point of this blog was being able to use the phrase "rent out their mouth."

Also, Anthony Bourdain was born in Leonia, NJ. Here's a shout out to my friend Emma, one of my most loyal fans.

"Yo EMMA!!!"

Yes Emma, you get the shout out in what will later be known as "that unfortunate Anthony Bourdain mouth rental post."

Now, here's a picture of Anthony Bourdain sitting with some Brown people:

My Brother on E-mail

2009-05-17T04:08:00.003-04:00

It's been a very busy month full of traveling, so I apologize faithful readers for the lack of updates. I promise to write longer and more thoughtful posts in the near future. (And yes, I have lied before with such claims and will likely lie again.)

For now, here is a humorous comment little brother Ashok made this evening:

"For people with small penises and addictions to prescription drugs, the Spam folder is the Inbox."

Have You Seen Me?

2009-04-13T20:35:00.012-04:00

My friend Emily found this picture in a National Geographic a while ago and sent it to me:

"Hari, you were in National Geographic?"

No, imaginary friend. I wasn't. That is what we call a "Doppelgänger." (The arrow was added for emphasis.)

From that particular angle, this person looks exactly like yours truly. My hairline. My choice of eyewear. My clothing style. My horrible posture. The fact there is a smile on the face of the older lady next to "me" makes it even more like a situation I would be in.

Old people love me. EVIDENCE:

Me and my Grandma, Circa 2001.

I know it's NOT me, however, because my hands are smaller. I don't wear rings on my fingers. I have NEVER been to the Indian state of Bihar and have ABSOLUTELY NO RECOLLECTION of this memory.

I don't know who you are, Indian Brother, but I hope you are a good man.

Here is an official picture from National Geographic:

My Parents Will Never Go Skiing in France

2009-04-07T00:01:00.013-04:00

When in England last December, I heard the following on a BBC News Program right before it went to break:

“Up Next: How has the credit crunch affected the French Ski Industry?”

When I think of the global financial crisis, the ABSOLUTE LAST THING I would think about, if at all, is the state of French Ski Industry.

You see, when you ask about the state of French Ski Industry, you are asking about the state of rich people. I don’t care about the state of rich people. I care about the state of poor people…and those on the verge of becoming poor. If those without money are treated without regard to their humanity when times are "good," what happens now?

So BBC News, why should I worry about rich people not skiing?

“But Hari, if rich people are not skiing, how else are they spending their leisure time?"

"If the rich are not skiing where will they go? Will they be simply forced to stay inside their EXTREMELY COMFORTABLE HOMES?”

“What if they attempt to mingle with the general population? Will they confuse…and bore us… with their worthless knowledge of Victorian literature? Or worse... attempt to sell us some of their modern art?”

As if someone without money would actually have any interest in buying the work of Cy Twombly!

Some of us don’t have the time or the interest to play “Modern Art Magic Eye.”

Person 1: I think it’s a giraffe.

Person 2: No, no. It’s clearly Twombley’s abstract representation of modernity.

Person 2: Are you sure? I’m pretty sure I see the giraffe’s neck.

Perhaps, if we’re lucky enough, the rich will also attempt to sell us some of their secondhand Soviet uranium.

Oh, rich people! Why won’t you colonize Mars already so us poor people can finally inherit the earth?
......................................................

I’m worried about my parents, who are not poor, but are getting older and deserve the chance to retire.

Poet Khalil Gibran once wrote:

Work is love made visible. And if you cannot work with love but only with distaste, it is better that you should leave your work and sit at the gate of the temple and take alms of those who work with joy.

Ahh…if it were only so simple Poet Khalil Gibran. Work is love? Maybe initially, but after a while, it may simply become love...for your kids. And ironically, you get to a point where you only work so you can retire.

Retirement is freedom. It means being able to enjoy your remaining years without anyone telling you what to do. Having the time to rest arthritic knees and worn hearts.

My parents would love to retire now, but “alms” don’t pay the mortgage.

My Brother on God

2009-03-26T17:23:00.002-04:00

After Ashok and I spent an afternoon annoying my mother in India last month, the following exchange happened.

MOM: (looking at the sky): God, why did you give me such annoying children?!?

ASHOK: (looking at Mom): There is no God, bro! If there is one, why don't you ask him why he's a racist who hates Black people so much!

(HARI laughs and writes this down.)

In Case You Missed This in February

2009-03-22T23:48:00.009-04:00

Here is me on the cover of February's India Currents Magazine. There is also a lovely story about political artists where I am profiled with visual artist Schandra Singh and writer Samhita Mukhopadhyay.

"Hari, it's been months...why are you mentioning this now?"

Why? Because of this story in the Khammam regional version of the Andhra Pradesh newspaper Eenadu. The story is, in part, about me being on the cover of India Currents Magazine in February, which is indicated by...the picture of me on the cover of India Currents Magazine in February on the top left.

(Click to make larger)

Also, notice the strange picture of me and my family eating lunch in the top right ("They live in America, but still keep it real by eating with their hands!") and the lovely picture of the Kondabolu Brothers posing in the middle ("Haircuts need not apply.").

Unfortunately, I cannot read Telugu, but there's a possibility, if I heard my father correctly as I was passing by him talking to the reporter, that it says I worked for Barbara Bush. This is UNTRUE. It is also IMPOSSIBLE since I would never let this happen.

Now, if someone could just write an article about the article about the article. And then an article about the....oh, you know where this is going. It's an infinite mirror joke.

UPDATE 3/23/09: No joke: http://gordongartrelle.blogspot.com/2009/03/ggs-very-own-dap-in-khammam-regional.html

Thanks to Gordon Gartrelle. BTW, No one can just get by on baloney and cereal, Theo.

Beverly Hills Crap

2009-03-22T01:05:00.008-04:00

I just watched the first Beverly Hills Cop movie again and I enjoyed it as much as I did when I was growing up. Eddie Murphy in his peak is really a treat to watch and this film, along with Coming to America, will never fail to entertain me.

Afterwards, I decided to watch the casting special feature on the DVD and learned a few interesting details. Apparently, the lead role of Axel Foley was set to be played by Sylvester Stallone and most of the cast was selected with this in mind. After Stallone pulled out, Eddie Murphy was chosen, leading to some scripting and casting changes just 2 weeks before shooting.

One change was that Axel's best friend gets killed, setting off the chain of events in the film, and not his brother. Apparently, Sylvester and Frank Stallone were set to share a screen, but when Sly left, this changed. I'm a little confused as to why they didn't just recast the brother part instead of removing it, but apparently without the Stallones sharing screentime, somebody thought "what's the point?"

However, it was one other change that I find a bit alarming. Lisa Eilbacher was set to play Axel's love interest, but that relationship was inexplicably changed to a friendship when Eddie Murphy was cast.

In the DVD, all casting director Margery Simkin says, quite matter of factly: "There were a few other things that were looked at a little bit differently. Obviously the girl was a love interest in the Stallone period and she became a friend."

Why was this "looked at a little bit differently?" Why exactly could this woman no longer be Eddie Murphy's character's love interest?

Was a scene of interracial romance, like the one shown above, too much for most audiences in the 80s to handle?

Rob Gordon is not Lloyd Dobler

2009-03-15T12:35:00.011-04:00

Whenever I watch the film High Fidelity, I have to make an active effort to remind myself that John Cusack is not playing Lloyd Dobler from Say Anything. Here are some thoughts I had from the last time I saw High Fidelity, ironically enough, when a flight cancellation allowed me to spend a night in Chicago where the film takes place:

"Lloyd Dobler would not behave this way. Damnit, I need to remember he is not playing Lloyd Dobler right now. Lloyd Dobler may still be in London as we speak, teaching kickboxing basics to young people, living with his life partner Diane Court."

"Rob makes elaborate mix tapes to explain how he feels. Lloyd Dobler just needs a boombox that blasts Peter Gabriel's In Your Eyes."

-"Rob just called Charlie a 'bitch.' Lloyd would not call Charlie a'bitch.' Lloyd would not find a woman like Charlie attractive."

"Yes, Rob is standing broken-hearted in a payphone in the rain right now, as Lloyd did after he and Diane Court broke up, but Rob deserved it. Lloyd Dobler is not, to paraphrase what Rob calls himself, "a fucking asshole." Lloyd would not cheat on Diane and cost her a baby."

-"Say Anything and High Fidelity are just films. Why am I having trouble remembering this? Their realities are frozen and it's bizarre to highjack someone else's imagination and create new imaginary realities. This is what leads to the 'fan fiction' phenomena."

"I am not Lloyd Dobler."

At the bare minimum, these FICTIONAL people have led to two of my favorite film quotations:

Rob Gordon on Music and Misery:

"What came first, the music or the misery? People worry about kids playing with guns, or watching violent videos, that some sort of culture of violence will take them over. Nobody worries about kids listening to thousands, literally thousands of songs about heartbreak, rejection, pain, misery and loss. Did I listen to pop music because I was miserable? Or was I miserable because I listened to pop music?"

Lloyd Dobler on His Future:

"I don't want to sell anything, buy anything or process anything as a career. I don't want to sell anything bought or processed, buy anything sold or processed, or process anything sold, bought or processed. Or repair anything sold, bought or processed, y'know? As a career I don't want to do that. So, my father's in the army, he wants me to join, but I can't work for that corporation. So what I've been doing lately is kickboxing."

This entry would have been more appropriate if I was in the 18-21 demographic. I am 26.

On a Commode in India

2009-03-11T02:46:00.009-04:00

My grandmother's bathroom in Tenali, Guntur District, Andra Pradesh, India is private in that there is a door that is supposed to prevent other humans from entering it while occupied, and public in that there is a window that allows for the entry of other living things.

While sitting on the commode, you are forced to confront nature. Lines of ants in the window sill. A lizard climbing up the wall. A fly buzzing around aimlessly. And then there are the mosquitoes. Oh... the mosquitoes.

This got me thinking:

If one was to subscribe to the Hindu theories of karma and reincarnation, and specifically to the notion that our current lives are the result of the state of our past lives and will result in the state of our future lives, how does one explain a mosquito that bites a person while they sit on a toilet?

What kind of life did such a creature lead to end up here and where can it go from this point?

What's lower in the reincarnation hierarchy than a mosquito that bites people squatting on a toilet?

If I was a bad comedian, the punchline for what was meant to be a rhetorical question would be "a lawyer."

F (U) Train!

2009-03-09T22:39:00.004-04:00

I overheard this brief interaction between two young people on the F train after it stopped at 71st and Continental. They were probably not older than 14.

Teenager 1: Yo, we just missed the other train!

Teenager 2: Damn, that shit left us? Heartless train.

'The Donger and Me' by Adrian Tomine

2009-02-26T11:07:00.008-05:00

(Click cartoon to view larger)

Originally Found: http://www.npr.org/programs/atc/features/2008/mar/in_character/donger_1.html

I saw this cartoon by Adrian Tomine a while back on the NPR website and ABSOLUTELY LOVE IT! Though MANOJ was made before this cartoon came out, I could totally imagine being inspired by it.

Fond Affection for Steven Segal

2009-02-25T18:58:00.006-05:00

Just returned from India after 3 weeks and have been catching up on e-mail. Here is, without a doubt, my favorite mail from my time away (names and addresses withheld to protect all parties involved):

Comedian Needed for A&E Bio

Category: Lifestyle & Entertainment

Media Outlet/Publication: A&E

Specific Geographic Region? Yes (See below)

Region: LA & NY

Deadline: 6:00 PM EASTERN - February 26

Query: "A&E Biography producers looking for humorist/comedian with fond affection for Steven Segal, 90's action star, to be filmed speaking about Steven Segal's persona and films."

Filming Thursday Feb 26th in LA, Friday Feb 27th in NYC, or week of
March 2-6 in NYC.

**NO AMATEUR COMEDIANS. MUST HAVE HAD TV EXPERIENCE (IE COMEDY
CENTRAL). RECOGNIZABLE NAME A PLUS."
................................................................

1. I was doing fine until the "fond affection" part. If they just wanted comedians for this, we'd all be lining up...though a roast and a biography are different creatures I suppose.

2. Steven Segal's "persona." PERSONA? It's all an act?

3. Seriously, A & E? Once your Biography program gets to Steven Segal, maybe it's time to slow it down a bit. Please tell me Paul Robeson and Kurt Vonnegut have episodes already. Please tell me you thought of them both before Steven Segal...and that you know who they are. Please tell me your staff consists of more than a bunch of E! Channel rejects.

Please.

My Brother on Boston

2009-01-28T11:18:00.001-05:00

"Boston is an awful place. Full of the two people I hate the most: White racists and self-righteous college kids."

-Ashok

Hari's Awful Promo Photos #1

2009-01-21T22:21:00.009-05:00

Here's a new feature for this journal. I will post awful headshots and promotional photos I have taken over the years and, for the most part, wisely decided not to use. They will not be in chronological order or in the order of their awfulness. They will usually be the one that makes me cringe the most on that particular day.

Let's begin:

"Do you need an accident attorney?"

Some Bits and Pieces

2009-01-17T22:31:00.008-05:00

Here are some bits and pieces from my recent notepads. Will they become full bits? We don't know...but it's unlikely:

NEW YEAR’S
-New Year’s Day is a holiday that I can completely enjoy celebrating since no one died for it.

Though not officially acknowledged, Thanksgiving marks the beginning of the genocide of the indigenous people of North America.

Christmas marks the birth of Jesus Christ whose martyrdom through violent death on a wooden cross is a fundamental aspect of the Christian faith.

Halloween clearly has elements that celebrate gore and death. (Ghosts, Zombies…etc.)

New Year’s is simply a celebration of the passing of time… and not people.

ENGLAND
- Hey England, does all your native food have to be so goddamn bland? You can't handle the spice, huh? Then what was all that exploring for then? This food should be so spicy that it is borderline inedible to even be close to justifying the number of people who died as the result of British imperial aggression (In my notepad, I originally phrased this: "A lot of people died for this shit.") And why isn't everyone wearing clothes made out of silk?

IRAQ
-When I see airplanes above me (which happens frequently enough in Queens, NY where there are two major airports), I still feel a bit uneasy. When I realize this, I get angry at myself. What a privilege to be “traumatized from a distance” though repeatedly watching 9/11 footage when so many kids in Iraq, for example, will never be able to enjoy fireworks again after 5 years of war.

U.S. Soldier: Please children, stop crying!! It’s Independence Day for Iraq! You are free now! You are free! You don’t need to hide!

-I wonder how many more years until Disney makes a movie about the first Iraqi Baseball League and we forget about all the things that happened and all the people that died in this war.

LOVE
-What kind of present does one buy for a wedding that was the result of adultery?

A stolen toaster?

COMEDY
-Maybe if Dane Cook and Carlos Mencia said they were doing "covers" instead of blatantly ripping off material, it would be less offensive to me.

(Here is a clever Stewart Lee bit about mainstream comedians stealing material from other working comedians: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0YE9Kthyaco)

-Comedians are not normal. I have heard friends say that their favorite comedians are the ones who perform so naturally that they make you feel as though you were just hanging out with a friend.

However, there is something sick about somebody who feels the need to speak without interruption for 45 minutes and honestly feels they can fill that time with interesting observations.

Who wants to have a conversation with a friend like that where every conversation is really a monologue.

NOTE: I am very grateful to my friends for putting up with me. The deeper I have gotten into comedy, the more my listening skills have deteriorated. I worry I’m taking in less than 3/4 of what I am regularly told at this point.

OLD AGE
-I now like Dark Chocolate, The News, Spinach and Wool Socks. What the fuck happened to me? (Yes, I capitalized all these items to show you all how much I like them.)

IN AMERICA, WE HAVE MANY IDIOTS… AND AWARD SHOWS
-I saw some of the People’s Choice Awards recently. Ellen DeGeneres was giving an acceptance speech and “the People” in the audience just screamed through it. Why? Why?? So later you can say to your friends:

“Hear that scream that interrupted Ellen’s speech…no, not that one…the one that interrupted her punchline…yeah, that was mine!”

-After Heath Ledger won a Golden Globe for his performance as The Joker in Dark Knight, my first thought was “Wow, the Palestinian children in Gaza who are being bombarded right now are probably thinking ‘Shit, we just lost the front cover of the New York Times to someone who’s already dead.”

CANNIBALISM
-If cannibalism was not a crime, it would allow for such complex descriptions of people as being both "full of shit" and "delicious."

Yep, I’m going to end on that one.

Just Wishful Thinking, I Guess

2009-01-16T18:23:00.012-05:00

How ironic that an airplane crash in New York City would overshadow George W. Bush's final speech as President of the United States of America later that evening.

Sometime Yesterday Evening in the Oval Office

(White House Aide enters. President GW Bush is staring blankly at a wall.)

White House Aide: Sir, US Airways Flight 1549 from New York City to Charlotte has crashed into the Hudson River

President GW Bush: Oh God, really?

White House Aide: Yes, sir.

President GW Bush: Well... alright! This is the best news I've gotten in 7 years! We finally might be able to turn this thing around. Thank you again, Osama! Let's see if we can get another term out of this, FDR style. First, get the flags out for the press conference and...wait, I'm being insensitive here. How many Americans did we lose on this flight?

White House Aide: Actually sir, everyone survived.

President GW Bush: Wow. I knew we were weakening Al-Qaeda. Not a single casualty this time.

White House Aide: Actually, we suspect it was birds, sir.

President GW Bush: Birds? The terrorists are using birds somehow to crash planes?

White House Aide: No, Mr. President. A flock of geese got caught in the engines of the plane and caused the plane to crash. The pilot was able to skillfully land it in the Hudson River and all the passengers were rescued quickly by the Coast Guard.

President: (Sighs)

White House Aide: Are you ok, Mr. President?

President GW Bush: Yes, yes. Just wishful thinking, I guess.

Baseball Player Embarrassing Himself

2009-01-12T01:47:00.003-05:00

When professional athletes retire, they generally have a stock line about wanting to spend more time with their families. Then sometimes, shortly after their retirements, they decide to come back to the game, which allows one to assume that they quickly got sick of their families and would rather see them regularly during the off-season.

In this video from 1989, Mike Schmidt's reaction to his sudden retirement from baseball has me believing that he was a man who had ABSOLUTELY NO INTEREST in ever seeing his family again. Enjoy.

Some Real and Imaginary Conversations

2009-01-09T02:42:00.009-05:00

A conversation about voting I had with my mother:

Hari: It’s funny, Mom. Even though there was record turnout in this year’s election, it was still only about 60% of potential voters who actually voted. Why isn’t Election Day a national holiday in this country? Is it a national holiday in India?

Mom: I’m not sure if it is.

Hari: But the turnouts in India are about the same and there’s a larger percentage of the population in dire poverty, right?

Mom: Yes.

Hari: Were the turnouts in India always this good?

Mom: Yes, it was when I grew up there.

Hari: Why?

Mom: There was no entertainment in India. Entertainment was voting and childbirth…you know…simple pleasures.

A conversation I imagined occurring during Obama's victory speech anywhere where hipsters are found:

Hipster 1: Yeah, ok. “Hope.” That's really going to...

Hipster 2: Shut up! You shut the fuck up!! I’ve never believed in anything before.

An IM conversation I had days before the election with a high school classmate I haven’t spoken to in years:

Hari: So great to hear from you. Pretty exciting election, eh? You getting nervous?

Former Classmate: Umm…a bit confused.

Hari: Confused? Why?

Former Classmate: I don’t know who to vote for.

(I did know how to respond immediately at this point because I had not met a McCain voter nor an openly undecided voter in this election. I had been living in London and Seattle this past year. If you could vote, you obviously voted for Obama. It was a choice between drinking mud or water.)

Hari: Oh…wow…but they are such different candidates.

Former Classmate: I know. I agree with most of what Obama has to say, but there’s just something about him I just don’t trust.

(I don’t remember where the conversation went at this point, but it was awkward and eventually someone had to leave.)

Something about him you just don’t trust? Something? You just can’t put your finger on it, huh? I wonder what that something is? Hmm…I wonder...

My former classmate’s probable response after Denzel Washington wins the first Academy Award an African-American has won for Leading Male in almost 4 decades:

“I really liked Training Day, but there’s just something about Denzel Washington I just don’t like. Also, I thought Ethan Hawke was a lot better in it.”

If she lived in Brooklyn in 1955, her thoughts after the Brooklyn Dodgers won their first and only World Series title after decades of futility and heartbreaking losses to the rival Giants and Yankees:

“I’m so happy our Dodgers finally won, but I must say I do miss those losing teams. There was something about them I just loved. I can’t quite put my finger on it. Every one of those Dodger teams had a certain undefinable quality about them that seemed to disappear in 1947 and every year after.”

“Former classmate, didn’t Jackie Robinson join the Dodgers in 1947 and in so doing, break the color barrier in Major League Baseball?”

“Umm…that’s quite possible.”

Her probable remarks shortly after crucifixtion of Jesus Christ by the Romans almost 2000 years ago:

“I really did like a lot of his philosophies and I thought his death was a really unfair break, but there’s something about him I just don’t like.”

And this last sentiment sums up why Jesus went from this:

To this:

Have I mentioned this as something that annoys me?

Here, here, and here.

Coffee and Snow Covered Roads

2009-01-07T22:39:00.012-05:00

When I lived in Seattle, a "snow storm" was an inch of snow. The city would immediately shut down with only the coffee shops left open. However, according to news reports, this one was legit and even forced my friends Blue Scholars to cancel their shows in town.

With this newly found free time Geologic (MC) and Sabzi (DJ) made a song called "Coffee and Snow," and then a music video for it using the freshly blanketed Seattle as a backdrop. The video was made in a day on a zero-dollar budget by friend and MANOJ director, Zia Mohajerjasbi.

Here it is:

A week later, after the snow started to melt, Ra Scion (MC, Common Market) made a song, with the same Sabzi-beat used in the aforementioned Blue Scholars song, called "Tobacco and Snow Covered Roads." (A play on the Scholars track and the name of the recently released, critically acclaimed Common Market record Tobacco Road.)

This video, again directed by Zia, is shot on the now melting Seattle streets with tongues firmly in respective cheeks:

My friends are talented.

Absolutely No Concept of Time and Place

2008-11-30T14:53:00.001-05:00

I'm currently watching the professional football game between the New York Giants and Washington Redskins.

Today, Washington honored former free safety Sean Taylor who was killed in a robbery in his Florida home last November.

I put the game on at halftime and heard football announcer/ former player/ current idiot Moose Johnston say the following:

"The Redskins really dodged a bullet that first half."

A poor choice of words...in general, I feel...but particularly, on this day. How embarrassing. He surely would be a bit more careful now, I assumed.

"The last thing the Redskins want to do today is get into a shootout. They can't afford to get into a shootout."

Oh wow, really? Really, Moose Johnston? Do you have any idea how words work? That they convey multiple meanings?

Wow. Idiot.

Also, the name of the team from Washington is "Redskins." I will never get over this.

When Hari met Ali...and Chris

2008-11-26T15:01:00.003-05:00

Yes, yes...I know...I need to write my first real post in the Obama era. I have yet to write about election night and all that has happened since. I will get to this soon enough. But first...

PEEP THIS:

These are my last shows in Seattle for a while, so I hope some of you Seattle kids make it out. Will be fun times.

"What's Up, Bro?"

2008-11-01T21:52:00.001-04:00

The end of my Obama endorsement post reminded me of a flier I fittingly received while walking in San Francisco’s Mission District last summer.

This is almost too funny on its own for it to be worth commenting on…but let’s analyze it anyway:

THE INVITATION

This “cordial” invitation was given to me by some random dude on the street. I was about to reach into my pockets for change when he handed me this flier.

Also: ADMISSION FREE?

This is not enticing at all. As a comedian and past producer of shows, I know people do not value an event if it’s free. Put a price tag on it. Make people think it’s valuable. When they get there, they will be more likely to value it because they had to pay money to get in.

“Wow, this Christianity stuff is totally worth the $20 I spent. I may invest another $10 in this Bible just so I can show others how big a fan I am of this religion.”

Also, I suggest a pizza party.

THE SLOGAN

“Follow The Christ!” It makes it all feel really cult-y. Also, makes Jesus sound like a superhero or better yet, a professional wrestler.

If you smell what the Christ is cooking?

CHRIST'S APPEARANCE

I didn’t know Jesus was in Rumble Fish. It’s Matt Dillon Christ! (Some have said he has a striking resemblance to a young Michael McDonald.)

Seriously, that’s a white-ass Jesus! As the growing tanning industry seems to indicate, white people love getting tans. Inversely, however, Jesus seems to be getting whiter every year.

Obviously, this is not to say all Christians are white…that’s ridiculous…but his depiction as white is because he’s in someone’s image…and that someone was white. (I imagine Jesus looking like a bearded Jon Secada.)

How did Jesus get a haircut and beard trim in the desert? This Jesus looks like he’s about to say “What’s up, Bro?”

QUESTIONABLE PROMISES

How can following the Christ help you to:

“Improve Family Life?” Nope, my parents would be pissed if I converted to Christianity.

“Oppose the Devil?” Oh c’mon, this is a give-away one. That’s what Christ does. He opposes the devil! It’s like a vacuum cleaner promising to suck dirt. That’s what it does! I want to know what it does better than other vacuums and that it has longevity and that it is easy to find replacement vacuum bags. (You make that last analogy fit! I’ve done my part to put it out there.)

“Gain Everlasting Life?” I’m a Hindu, baby. I got reincarnation covered.

I’ll end on that cheap and easy cultural joke.

In the Halloween Spirit...

2008-10-31T13:36:00.003-04:00

Here's the best/only time I've dressed up for Halloween as an adult (still debating about tonight).

From Halloween 2005, with former roommate Tom Shortliffe:

BERT AND ERNIE.

Idiot.

2008-10-31T13:05:00.002-04:00

This happened yesterday.

I recently re-registered at The Meredith Mathews East Madison YMCA in Seattle which I used to go to when I lived here a couple of years ago. A simple task complicated by an idiot (not the person who worked there):

(HARI at YMCA front desk)

YMCA DUDE: What's your name?

HARI: Hari.

YMCA DUDE: Harvey?

HARI: Hari.

YMCA DUDE: Hari.

WHITE LADY: Like "Hurry Up." Right?

(Hari takes a brief look at this woman who he's never met before, ignores comment, turns head back to YMCA Dude).

HARI: Yeah, so it's Hari.

WHITE LADY: So, have you seen The Namesake?

(HARI PAUSES FOR A SECOND.)

HARI: I really don't want to talk about this.

(BRIEF, YET STILL AWKWARD, SILENCE)

HARI (to YMCA Dude): So, the lockers cost $5 to rent now?

WHITE LADY: I'm really glad you were so frank with me.

HARI: Umm...yeah...I'm just sick of people asking me to talk to them about yoga and stuff, you know?

(Trying to get her to understand how unfair it is for a person to be bothered about all things South Asian by strangers just because of his or her appearance.)

WHITE LADY: No, no, I'd never do that! I probably know more about yoga than you do!

HARI: Yes, you probably do.

(HARI walks away and to locker room annoyed and unconvinced an Obama presidency will eliminate such interactions).

Idiot.

As if you even had to ask...

2008-10-25T19:07:00.001-04:00

Here's my official endorsement, almost a week before the election:

OCTOBER SURPRISE!!

Let me be clear. If Obama wins, that doesn't magically change everything overnight. The war cannot just end. Racism will still exist. There will still be poverty in the US and abroad. Etc. Etc. Etc.

Keep your fingers crossed for Obama...and keep them crossed after Obama. We have a lot of work to do still.

Yes, it is hard to work with your fingers crossed. I chose a strange cliche.

Also, quick thought:

With regards to the racism point, I fear people will assume racism is a thing of the past just because the head of state is identified as an African-American. It obviously doesn't work that way. Racism is systemic. It's almost unconscious at this point. It's so deeply engrained, we don't even realize how we contribute to it.

In some ways I think the biggest strike against racism doesn't happen when the President of the United States becomes a person of color, but when Jesus does...because he actually was one.

Hey SF and Bay Area!

2008-10-12T05:40:00.001-04:00

I'm doing some shows! For more extensive show details, go here: www.myspace.com/harithecomic

MANOJ

2008-09-25T19:41:00.001-04:00

Well, the time has finally arrived. After playing in festivals throughout the U.S. and Canada this past year, including the very prestigious Just for Laughs Festival in Montreal, MANOJ is available on the internet.

Actually, the time arrived a couple of days ago. I just updated my page today.

I hope this video, directed by the brilliant, young filmmaker Zia Mohajerjasbi, is well received and widely circulated. I do fear, however, that if this happens, it might ruin the lives of every child named "Manoj" in the United States. The answer to "why is that, Hari?" awaits you dear reader:

Here is the YouTube edited version (since YT is aiding in the process of keeping attention spans low with their 11 minute time limit).

And here is the LONGER version of the film that some of my bigger fans have seen at festivals or through underground bootleg copies (Hey Mom and Dad!):

I just said this...HA

2008-09-22T16:21:00.001-04:00

INT: Victrola Coffee and Art in Seattle, Washington.

Hari Kondabolu is sitting with his very talented writer friend Lindy West.

Bon Jovi's "You Give Love a Bad Name" is playing in the background.

BON JOVI
Shot through the heart
And you're to blame
You give love a bad name

HARI
If I ever broke up with Jennifer Love Hewitt, I would make her a CD with just this song on it.

LINDY
Ha! That's funny.

HARI
Yes, it is. I'm going to put what I just said to you in my blog.

LINDY
Ok.

SCENE ENDS.

Oh, how we laughed! How Lindy and I laughed!

Some people can just enjoy conversations with friends. I never throw anything out and must document all humorous interactions as they may potentially lead to some creative benefit in the future.

Also, in the last 10 minutes, eavesdropping on the conversations of other patrons, I've heard the following words/phrases:

Dharamsala, Burning Man, Passive-Aggressive.

HARI
Oh Seattle.

SEATTLE
Welcome back, Hari Kondabolu.

Cultural Disconnect

2008-08-11T07:15:00.001-04:00

This is a popular candy in England:

Yes, this would certainly not fly in the United States.

Minstrels: Now with 40% more Shucking and 78% more Jiving!

Overheard in a Coffee Shop

2008-08-09T09:47:00.001-04:00

Several months ago, in a coffee shop in London, I overheard a young man say to a young woman:

“So what do you look for in a guy?”

This is a leading question.

People don’t just ask that question without the hope that the person facing them lists off things they also are, they also enjoy and they also value.

Ok, that last statement was made to sound definitive and that’s not quite right. The man could have been gay, and he could have simply wondered if they were looking for the same thing in men. I’ve never actually seen that interaction happen before, but I guess it could superficially look and sound identical to what I experienced up to that point.

However, a moment later this very distinct possibility seemed less likely.

As she read off the checklist of things in her head, I could see him quiver a bit and drop his head slightly…desperately trying not to show her that his heart was breaking.

I felt like screaming out “Help!! Somebody help! She’s hurting him! She’s hurting him!!”

I have no idea if these were good people, but moments like this remind you how much you have in common with so much of humanity.

Everyone dies alone, but no one wants to.
.................................................................................

Whoa, did I just write that last sentence? What does it even mean?

People die in groups sometimes. There are even famous historical examples of this.

Perhaps I meant that the act of dying is an individual experience that no one can truly share with you. Even in a group situation, you experience death alone.

But everyone experiences everything alone (or just with God, if you believe in that sort of thing). Using my argument, you experience life AND death alone. So not only was my last statement overly dramatic…it was meaningless.

To be meaningless when attempting to be meaningful. Ouch.

During the line where I quote what I felt like screaming out, I edited out “Help him! It’s MAN-slaughter!”

Stewart Lee on Political Correctness

2008-07-22T21:01:00.002-04:00

A friend recently introduced me to the comedy of Stewart Lee and I am quite grateful for this. The YouTube clips below are Stewart Lee's takes on "political correctness." He sums up the issue in a way I have been trying to for a while now. Perhaps I will express my thoughts on the issue more completely at some point in the future, as I promised in the journal entry FedEx-plain Yourself, but for now here's Stewart Lee:

And here he takes his basic idea bout "political correctness" expressed above and develops it into a brilliant 9 minute bit on his newest comedy special, Stewart Lee- 41st Best Standup Ever!
This is what comedy can be!

Yep, That's Me!

2008-06-29T13:18:00.000-04:00

If anyone in London was wondering who the schmuck who owned the laundry bag with the giant Union Jack on it was, here you go:

You can thank my friend Sara Dosa (and former co-host of the radio show "The South Indian Man and his Dosa") for helping me make that wonderful decision.

Oh Baby!

2008-06-26T21:26:00.000-04:00

A few days ago while walking down Borough High Street, a few blocks from where I currently live in South London, I saw a young woman not more than 16 or 17 pushing a baby stroller and wearing a t-shirt that read “I ALWAYS GET WHAT I WANT.”

Holy shit.

Either this young woman:

1) Has an incredible appreciation for irony.

2) Does not understand irony at all.

3) Is fucked up.

This upsetting image (and yes, I do realize the young woman could’ve actually been older or the baby’s sister) reminded me of the pregnancy pact story that made waves in the US earlier this week.

The mainstream press reported that 17 girls in Gloucester, Massachusetts all agreed to get pregnant together. If this is indeed true, I think it clearly illustrates the failure of The Baby-sitters Club series to properly guide young women.

For those of you who don’t know what I’m talking about and apparently didn’t bother clicking the wikipedia link I provided above, this book series discusses a variety of issues that young women face, such as sex-free teenage dating.

Perhaps instead of ignoring sex altogether, The Baby-sitters Club could have reinforced the fact that the babies they sit should not be their own.

“Babysitting is awesome. What if I had my own kid to babysit? I should make a baby!”

“No Stacey, you can’t make money sitting your own baby! Plus, no one will go with you to prom!”

Perhaps Stacey getting pregnant instead of having diabetes could have been more a useful and interesting topic for young, impressionable women. Not to say that diabetes is not a concern for millions of teenage girls, but pregnancy seems to be a bit more universal.

Ok, ok…Stacey can have diabetes…maybe Claudia could have gotten pregnant.

As I mentioned in the blog entry Thoughts on a Plane, I read these books as a youth. Looking back, I think this may have irrevocably affected my relationships with women. In my teenage years, its influence likely led to more female friendships and less love-making. Perhaps, in this sense, The Baby-sitters Club did prevent teenage pregnancy.

News!

2008-06-01T16:24:00.000-04:00

Hey Kids,

Yes, I know I haven't written in forever. When will I write a proper blog post again? Soon. What does "soon" mean? I don't know.

Here's some news:

I'll be appearing on Comedy Central's "Live at Gotham" on July 18th at 10pm. Then on reruns for a while. Here's a sample:

In sadder news, some of the holy land has been destroyed:
http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=91054498

Soon! Soon!

-Hari

If they change the name of their band to "Arnold and Willis" that would be pretty fucked up....

2008-01-28T13:13:00.001-05:00

I’m really enjoying that new song “I’m not going to teach your girlfriend how to dance” by that band, Black Kids .

“You are the girl that I’ve been dreaming of ever since I was a little girl.”

I imagine a young woman in love with her female best friend who is dating some dude who can’t dance. She is asked by the friend to teach this idiot how to dance…and it’s breaking her heart to do it.

This makes for a much more interesting teen movie than if the characters were all “straight.” (Though the plot does seem to be vaguely similar Some Kind of Wonderful.) I will probably never write this screenplay, but someone should! Also, whoever writes it should give me a cut of the profit since I came up with the idea. Notice the date, kids. No way of pretending you came up with it first. I expect some fat checks for this.

Oh yeah, then there’s the name of the band: Black Kids. Of course this makes me a wee bit uncomfortable. Clearly, that’s the point of it. It’s shocking when people are confronted with race, even in such a superficial way.

I do like the idea of people openly declaring “I love Black Kids.”

I mean, could you imagine people actually saying the opposite out loud?

Me: You hate Black Kids?

Dude: Well, I didn’t mean…

Me: They’re too loud for you, right?

Dude: Well, I mean...I wouldn’t put it quite like…

Me: Is it their look? You don’t like how Black Kids look?

Dude: You know, I wouldn’t…umm…

Me: You’d prefer Black Kids to dance on stage more, right? They don’t dance enough for you?

Dude: Umm..

Me: Bigot, go buy their record now!

Dude: Ok, I’ll buy it on itunes immediately!

Me: Itunes? What are you afraid of being seen with Black Kids? Fuck Mr. Drummond, right?

Ok, I'll stop here. This could go on forever...like racism.

I assume most people assume the “Dude” in that funny piece of dialogue was white. He was. He was white.

Hmmm…I wonder if the fear of looking racist could actually lead to increased Black Kids record sales in the United States. How powerful is white guilt?

I suppose there’s also the possibility that people just might stick the word “the” before the band’s name just to distance themselves a little bit from sounding racist.

The Black Kids, doesn’t quite sound as edgy.

Has the word “the” ever had such power? The Definite Article as a racism buffer.

And yes, both the title of this blog and the end of that little dialogue above were references to the 80s television program, Different Strokes. That show was great. Remember that episode when Dudley gets molested by the man that owns the bicycle shop? That episode actually happened! CREEPY. Here’s a scene I found on youtube that weirds me out:

Man, I wish they had the whole episode on there. The kids actually escape and that dude gets arrested. It’s still fucked up, but a little less so.

Hmm...it's strange to think that Michael Jackson somehow turned into some strange cross between Gary Coleman and that white child molester.

I will end on that Michael Jackson joke.

Sprinkler in a Hurricane

2008-01-16T10:18:00.000-05:00

I’m struggling to finish a paper and it's funny how it’s always these moments when my creative brain starts working again and I feel compelled to write. A broken automatic sprinkler that finally turns on during a hurricane.

No one says “Thank You” in London. It’s as if people here all feel entitled to have doors held open for them. I’m from New York and I actually think these people are assholes. Really well-dressed assholes.

London is a city filled with people of different races, cultures and nationalities. The most diverse group of assholes in the world.

I suppose there’s a possibility that these people choose not to say “thank you” just to me. However, that thought would be far more devastating than a gross generalization.

I’m sleep deprived and a bit frustrated with how this week has gone. I rush to get into a door at my college hall before it closes and I am forced to swipe my card into a machine, which never works immediately, to let myself in. Someone decided not to hold the door open for me. I guess not for me, specifically…but for everyone. It wasn’t just me, remember. He didn’t keep the door open for anyone and everyone.

As the door closed, I said to myself, “God, why can’t I catch a break today?”

Then, one of the grocery bags I was holding ripped open and all the contents fell to the floor.

Yup, that indeed would be a type of “break.” God is laughing. God has a sense of humour.

I imagine a very pregnant woman somewhere in the world at that very instant rushing to get an elevator. She misses it and also thinks to herself “God, why can’t I catch a break today?”

Her water breaks.

God has a sense of humour… and is funny.

There must be a God. The thought there isn’t a God would be far more devastating

God might be a gross generalization.